One Week is Done???

HOW DID I GET HERE?

I always say that...but it's true, I kind of can't believe I have been here for a whole week. So by now I am over this jet lag but I am still exhausted. My feet will not stop swelling but so it is, and I mean I'm doing pretty okay after the past couple of vomiting incidents. SO...GO ME! Oh and every night as we are on the bus back I always turn to Sara and say, "tonight were just gonna pass out", as in no talking or things JUST SLEEP...of course that was before 10pm and now its almost 3 and everyone has just left our room after a good late night schmooze and some spiritual guidance and now I can write for yesterday and today!

It's true what Devon said today about feeling like she needed some time alone to really process whats being thrown at us here. I mean we are living in Israel...in Har Nof...at Neve...with All girls...being taught life lessons and Judaism. We are constantly searching for answers through our tutors and study groups not to mention the continuous conversations and connections made on the long bus rides and whatever "breaks" we have. I mean I made a joke that as much as this trip is like therapy for my soul. I am sure to be heading towards an identity crisis. I see how holy these women live their lives with their families and I think...why isn't that enough for me? What am I not willing to sacrifice to do that? I don't know...A lot of things and I really want to be okay with that.

Event wise, yesterday was a tour of the city of David which of course it blew my mind that I was standing in the spot where Solomon became King! A city and it's Ruins 3,800 Years old! Really I think it's too large for me to understand so I will leave it at that...We got to be in water tunnels that were straight out of Indiana Jones or something. Led by flashlight ( Or lack of one...I forgot) us girls trudged through ancient waterways of the city of David waist high in freezing water...okay it wasn't that cold...But you know what was really cool...or weird...I can't really decide which one... The tour of Japanese tourists in the tunnel began to sing in what I think was Hebrew in lovely harmonies. Now that's an interesting and surprising blessing! We girls were then inspired to sing our songs! "TO have no fear, have no fear at all" it was a beautiful and inspiring moment down there in the tunnels. THIS IS ISRAEL. After the tunnels we as a whole JAM trip gathered at a home for pizza, icebreakers and a moving "Seminar" from Rabbi Doniel Katz again. I am really starting to feel connected to these people now. We are all putting our guards down little by little :).

This seminar was all my fears in one hour long speech. I don't think I could explain how I really feel here...so I guess ask me about it later. All I can say is I understand why keeping Sabbath is important a little more now. And that being able to see each other, a chair, a ladder, and ourselves as modern art by it's definition can be really moving and restful. I started to feel like my desires to perform and go into this industry could be wasted time if my goal in life was really to be closer to Hashem. I have a lot to think about. As of now I see myself living in love and light with mitzvahs galore under my reform laws and style. It fits me today and I don't want to push. As much as I do that already. Not with this.

As the days go by and more wisdom is accumulated it may get easy to be overwhelmed and resistant, but as of now I have never felt more clear headed in Israel. I will keep asking questions, buying souvenirs and eating hummus...

I guess day 7 really does come with peace of mind. Thank You, Hashem, I know your on my side :)