I am sitting on a plane to California. I am in New York thousands of miles from Israel hundreds from LA and scared. Ryan sits behind me and says, "I'm not ready to go back..." And as much as I can't wait to be back home I don't think I am really ready either. I mean I'm avoiding writing about the past week...1. Because I'm starting to see that my writing isn't going to fully encompass my experience. 2. Because too much has happened and I don't know if I'll remember it all. 3. When I finish writing this, these three weeks are over. Never the less this past week deserves a major shout out so I'll try my best.
Wednesday after our normal classes at Neve on mind blowing subjects that I barely get through awake, we were off to Netanya for horseback riding. Not even pictures could describe the beauty of this beach. It's so crazy to go from the Old City or Har Nof and then a place like Netanya. As our bus driver Harel would say (insert israeli accent) " you see, dis place have everything, dis best place, most beautiful country...we have mountains, city, beach, forest." And right about then the english he knew would cease to be able to fully express how he felt about his home.
This kind of place, "mountains, forest, beach, city" kinda reminds me of my home, CA. But Israel, what I would like to now consider my second home, has an energy of overwhelming pride, spirituality, and it should, I mean this stuff is OLD! older than you can comprehend. And even after being there I can barely comprehend it's holiness myself.
The horses were nice...mine was named Joni...Joni Mitchell...maybe not, but anyways after trotting where the clear tourquise water met the sand so fine it felt like flour, we sat at a beach side cafe to eat hummus, tahina, pita and fruit smoothies, We were serenaded by yashiva boys as the sun descended. That night we had a banquet style dinner of course ended with more singing, I am really gonna miss that.
I then went to a jewelry type fair nearby were I of course bought myself some stereotypical israeli gifts like hamsas, hamsa bracelets and so on. After seeing a man get stabbed in the face with a fork it was time to kick it back to Neve for Thursday would be "Discovery Day" ( learning at Aish Ha-Torah.in the old city). You could see the Kotel from the window! In the beautiful air conditioned building we learned about The Big Bang Theory and its place in the Torah creation story, the scary ways in which history has been repeating itself to detail from Purim to the Nuremberg trails. And lastly and most frightingly the Torah Codes. Now I don't want to explain them here, because they are so unbelievable that they are believable. But basically its were science and Torah come together. It is known that every event and that everything that has happened is in the Torah in a code from 9/11 to the Holocaust to Hurricane Katrina EVERYTHING!!! Now I know you don't believe me because you weren't there to see this presentation but lets have a chat :) After the 9am-6pm Discovery program which left people with some permenant chills and stuff to think about. I then made a trip to the Kotel and was even more moved now, I wrote this poem. I am scared to share but I find it relevant to the sharing of my journey. ( SEE POEM)
After my second Kotel trip, bagels and some shopping at Ben Yahuda. Sara and I somehow got the idea to get our noses peirced, ahhhhhh....I don't know what really inspired me...but by the time I had decided " Hey, maybe I shouldn't get my nose pierced in Israel..." it was too late. The Israeli man had already put that needle in my nose!!! Can I say this hurt more than both my tattoos!!! FML! it really hurt. But it was only 25 dollars. So I figured if not now...when. But really...it hurt. I mean BAD.
I felt like I couldn't move my face and then it was swollen which was normal...right? except when I woke up Friday I could barely see the ring because it was like swollen over it. And also...I had a stye so basically my face was like swollen for our last Shabbat.
Friday we went to Geula and Meah Shearim...for the ultra, ultra, ultra, orthodox experience. This is the time where you say DO NOT JUDGE JUDAISM BY ITS PEOPLE. We wore our most conservative outfits. Skits to the floor, closed toed shoes, and long sleeves/high necklines. Because if we didn't we could get yelled at, thrown beach on or thrown rocks at. Now not only do you need to dress a certain way. But you need to keep walking, no standing on the streets. Do not talk to the opposite sex or touch them...don't even look at them. There are seperate check out lines in stores for men and women in certain places. But this only one teeeeny tinnnyyy spot of Israel as a couple streets over are the Yehuda Shook you will find the very opposite. Pushing and shoving at all men and women alike. The shook has basically everything from food, to jewelry, to clothes. It's like that sex and the city scene but 10x more crowded and of course we went right before Shabbat. This was also the place were I sweat the most and really thought I might have a heat stroke....worth the deals? maybe...I didn't buy much there.
After the Shook, we were off to Ramat Bet Shemesh, the place I would want to live if I ever moved to Israel. It's mostly americans that have made Aliyah. I stayed with a family that the mother went on my trip years ago and never came back to the US! They were wonderful hosts and had 3 beautiful blond babies that were such good kids! Lots of energy! We had dinner and oneg, and I was with Sara the whole time which was a perfect way to end it all. We had lunch with our family and basically slept the whole day. We finished our 3rd and last shabbat with a great 3rd meal and gathering all together....I am really gonna miss these people...I am just starting to get to love them and know them!
The next couple of days are a blur to me because I am writing about them months later....but all I can say is that they were good. I of course was getting sad and scared to leave. I remember I did have a tear when we touched down in LA. I felt so ready to start my new life with the brand new awareness of the world, but I knew it was gonna be hard and it was.
I want to go back as soon as I can! But I know it won't be the same because we had such a great group. You ALL have such a place in my heart.
I don't know how many times you can be this blessed in one life time. Hopefully there isn't a maximum.
I don't even know how to end this...Blog...it scares me...
But I know that these experiences have made me, ME and therefore they won't be forgotten...right?
Baruch Hashem
Monday, September 6, 2010
A Poem I wrote after my second trip to the western wall
This is pretty free hand and completely unedited.
I walk backward without caution
as the long shadow of those to come approach me.
I pray to have this comfort of NO FEAR till the next time I visit the Kotel
I pray for NO MORE FEAR
The warm Israeli sun dries
my salty tears of pain and love as I feel Hashems vibrations
in the smooth and sturdy wall
I pray for Clarity
The long skirt brushes
my legs as the wind sweeps up the wishes and thoughts to the heavens
where souls from years before listen as they have been here too
I pray for love in humanity, and trust in myself
And that my faith in G-d will grant me these things
and more
for he has plans for me to prosper
I pray for safety
For my brother 'isreal'
That G-d is there for him
as he is here for me now
I pray for peace of mind
I pray to live passionately
all my years my soul is Rachael Nicole Jimenez ( Sarah Chava bas Chava )
And that I will return again soon.
I pray to understand that Hashem is not only here but everywhere and he hears me
loud and clear
please help me have no fear
I walk backward without caution
as the long shadow of those to come approach me.
I pray to have this comfort of NO FEAR till the next time I visit the Kotel
I pray for NO MORE FEAR
The warm Israeli sun dries
my salty tears of pain and love as I feel Hashems vibrations
in the smooth and sturdy wall
I pray for Clarity
The long skirt brushes
my legs as the wind sweeps up the wishes and thoughts to the heavens
where souls from years before listen as they have been here too
I pray for love in humanity, and trust in myself
And that my faith in G-d will grant me these things
and more
for he has plans for me to prosper
I pray for safety
For my brother 'isreal'
That G-d is there for him
as he is here for me now
I pray for peace of mind
I pray to live passionately
all my years my soul is Rachael Nicole Jimenez ( Sarah Chava bas Chava )
And that I will return again soon.
I pray to understand that Hashem is not only here but everywhere and he hears me
loud and clear
please help me have no fear
Patience
I have really been working on my patience this trip. I am usually very controlling and pushy and fast paced when it comes to travel and stuff of the sorts. But this time I swore I would just let things come and try not to control as much and its been working pretty well. I have barely complained because with that perspective there is not much to complain about. Until today however after a long night of stress and such an early morning were I just HAD to go get a bagel because this Neve food ( white bread and Hot Pink Jelly) is killing me slowly. Then we had class. The first one of course I was dozing and the second R'Marcus...my favorite, talk on "Alef" and other Torah secrets. Then it was my last meeting with Shira, I can't believe time went so fast...but when doesn't it...We exchanged contact info so she can be my Israel go to, to answer questions via email. The last class had to do with college campuses and Anti-Semitism. I had no idea other schools like UCSD and Northridge have problems like CSUF and Irvine. We are never alone. It's comforting to know that there are definite ways to combat peacefully. And that this issue is not going unnoticed.
After a quick lunch I contemplated not going cave crawling due to the heat and my exhaustion and the little things I had to do in town. But then I realized I'M IN ISRAEL!!!!! I gotta go! And so I went only to get to the caves, wait for 30 minutes for a group before us to go through and then somehow we decided we didn't want to wait...so we left and went to see a viewpoint. This actually pissed me off! I was not okay with this! I couldn't for some reason get over it...PATIENCE...gone...So no caves. I guess this is just another part of a higher plan....so to make things a little better we had a "nice" dinner...bread...and actually a really nice concert with American/Jewish music. Then I was off to Ben Yahuda, to get some shecks finally and check the email. So in the end it was all okay and I guesss the stress was for nothing. Talking to Cat and Soph really helped too. Now I am off to bed because I need to catch up on sleep....
Didn't I just tell you guys that I have been patient and not complianing....wellll....we all have our moments
After a quick lunch I contemplated not going cave crawling due to the heat and my exhaustion and the little things I had to do in town. But then I realized I'M IN ISRAEL!!!!! I gotta go! And so I went only to get to the caves, wait for 30 minutes for a group before us to go through and then somehow we decided we didn't want to wait...so we left and went to see a viewpoint. This actually pissed me off! I was not okay with this! I couldn't for some reason get over it...PATIENCE...gone...So no caves. I guess this is just another part of a higher plan....so to make things a little better we had a "nice" dinner...bread...and actually a really nice concert with American/Jewish music. Then I was off to Ben Yahuda, to get some shecks finally and check the email. So in the end it was all okay and I guesss the stress was for nothing. Talking to Cat and Soph really helped too. Now I am off to bed because I need to catch up on sleep....
Didn't I just tell you guys that I have been patient and not complianing....wellll....we all have our moments
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Champions
I don't think I could even explain what's happening right now in Tel Aviv on the bus. I am trying to escape the stress by an ipod and a paper and pen. I write not only to escape but to do it before I get home which looks like it is gonna be around 3am by the looks of our missing students and stolen passports...BH none of them where mine. Today was so long I'm forgetting what we did already. So of course we had classes, which contained more relationship advice and secrets of Torah. I met with Shira to discuss my judgments of myself and others and how or if I can overcome them. I mean is it realistic to walk around without judgement at all? No...thats not really obtainable. So I must find peace in judging everyone favorably...that's the key..."simple?" and obvious but according to everything we are taught to be is truth is within us all along, you just have to look hard.
I then attempted to enjoy lunch which I am getting pretty sick of cucumber and tomato...okay mom...I believe you now!
And so off to Tel Aviv. We went to a blind Museum! This was such a life changing experience! A museum in complete darkness led by a blind person through rooms and situations. So basically for 45 min I and my group where blinded. The challenge is to use your other senses to get through. Of course with some help from our guide. So at first I was terrified. We were led into rooms that were like a jungle, a river boat, a market place, a concert and a cafe were we had to pay blind and eat blind and got to ask our guide questions about what it is like live blind. By the end I really began to not feel bad for the blind but rather appreciate how much they get out of life from all the other senses. I suggest this experience to all.
Now on to a great dinner in Tel Aviv and a "beautiful" night on the beach that had a bar that extended to the waves. We smoke hookah and drank a SOTB with the flour like sand under our feet and 85 degree ocean waters. But there were a lot of Jelly fish so it was scary to go in the dark.( NO MORE HOSPITAL VISITS PLEASE). How can I mention that all the mellow people did this and all the crazies ( that i love so so much!! )went to the club and thought it was a great idea to meet us...which for social reasons of course it's a great idea...but OYYYY....The large amount of people, drunk only added to the unpaid $200 shecks, thefts of wallets and passports and missing people...
The people came back but the other things were gone for good. A few panic attacks later ( literally), we were off safe with Harel! BLESS HIS SOUL!
Of course the aviator soundtrack was playing on my ipod during the later part of these events. And I sat there in the dark staring straight ahead thanking Hashem I didn't lose anything but my sleep.
TRUE CHAMPS we are I like to think...TRUE CLASS
I then attempted to enjoy lunch which I am getting pretty sick of cucumber and tomato...okay mom...I believe you now!
And so off to Tel Aviv. We went to a blind Museum! This was such a life changing experience! A museum in complete darkness led by a blind person through rooms and situations. So basically for 45 min I and my group where blinded. The challenge is to use your other senses to get through. Of course with some help from our guide. So at first I was terrified. We were led into rooms that were like a jungle, a river boat, a market place, a concert and a cafe were we had to pay blind and eat blind and got to ask our guide questions about what it is like live blind. By the end I really began to not feel bad for the blind but rather appreciate how much they get out of life from all the other senses. I suggest this experience to all.
Now on to a great dinner in Tel Aviv and a "beautiful" night on the beach that had a bar that extended to the waves. We smoke hookah and drank a SOTB with the flour like sand under our feet and 85 degree ocean waters. But there were a lot of Jelly fish so it was scary to go in the dark.( NO MORE HOSPITAL VISITS PLEASE). How can I mention that all the mellow people did this and all the crazies ( that i love so so much!! )went to the club and thought it was a great idea to meet us...which for social reasons of course it's a great idea...but OYYYY....The large amount of people, drunk only added to the unpaid $200 shecks, thefts of wallets and passports and missing people...
The people came back but the other things were gone for good. A few panic attacks later ( literally), we were off safe with Harel! BLESS HIS SOUL!
Of course the aviator soundtrack was playing on my ipod during the later part of these events. And I sat there in the dark staring straight ahead thanking Hashem I didn't lose anything but my sleep.
TRUE CHAMPS we are I like to think...TRUE CLASS
I think I could stay :)
I haven't written in awhile. Things like this (writing) suffer when you start to really become present here. Again there is a card game going on in my room and talking about the day and of course some pretzels. People eat a shit ton of pretzels here... I basically don't want to see white bread, pretzels or really any bread for a large amount of time, TODA! So lets catch up here...quickly of course because I really do want to go and type these soon...but maye I'll have to wait...boo...lets start with Thursday. Things are starting to get less touristy ( minus the large bus) That we twist and turn through the Jerusalem streets in. I'd also like to note here that I have not thrown up in one week! BH! :) Thursday was some more good classes on Shabbat and Torah you know...which were I swear interesting but i am just getting exhausted so it was hard for me to get through. The afternoon was a mandatory seminar at Ner'Lelef regarding questions like the difference between animals and humans (freewill...ect.) and how important keeping the Jewish race alive is because really its a miracle we have survived. Jews make up 8% of the US population and 2.8% of the world! Now think about this....Jews should technically be unheard of but ask anyone and they will probably know what a Jewish person is or at least heard the term! CRAZY!
After this lecture I decided to take it easy at Ben Yahuda with some delicious veggie food and coffee bean. The seminar that night was my favorite so far. We discussed values and attempted to figure out why we wake up everyday!? What's the point? What's Rachael Jimenezs point!? We had to choose 10 of 50 values and I chose: Friendship, Judaism, Truth, Justice, Success, Loyalty, Spirituality ( G-d), Passion, self development and creativity. We then had to pick 5 which wasn't so bad, I picked : Spirituality, Passion, Justice, Truth, and Friendship. The next step was 2 and put them in order...this was hard. I had to really think about..."why do I do what I do? what do I believe in most?" I came up with 1. Spirituality (G-d) and 2. Passion. Sound like me? Today, yes.
Now the point is that keeping Shabbos is a time to celebrate what you really believe in, your values. I went to sleep with more than enough to think about including laundry and packing for Shabbos ( our trip to Tsfat, Galalie, Tiberias, Jordan River and a hike to remember).
Friday came and I was so excited for Shabbat. I needed it! And after all this week I was in need of good Shabbos food. I was excited to exercise my challah pacing ( as in don't eat a shit load of challah because you won't be able to eat the other 3 courses). First though we went to beautiful Tsfat! Which reminded me of a more crowded ( jewish) Mykanos. Filled with Art and jewelry shops in the midst of ruins. I finally got one of those Israeli wrap skirts. Can't wait to wear it in Cali! After a delicious salad we were off to a not so delicious orthodox hotel...can I say...wait maybe I won't say...
But besides the awful smell of the lobby, crowded with orthodox Israelis with at least 10 screaming children each. The rooms reminded me of a run down Motel 6 but we had it lucky because some girls had lizards, roaches, pee coming out of the shower, and blood stained sheets. WEEEEE! I nearly starved the food was so unappetizing. Sara is now considering becoming a vegetarian. But despite the little discomforts we got to sleep in till 11am and have wonderful learning sessions full of meditations and stories all by my favorite Rabbi Katz. I actually got a one on one with him about the entertainment career and Judaism and how do I keep holy considering the profession I am interested in. Ask me about the answer as it is personal and better to relate to in person. Needless to say, I have a lot to think about.
We ended Shabbos with a beautiful sunset over the sea of Galalie and we celebrated on a small boat with drums and Israeli music and dancing. I know there are videos! I hope people post them eventually.
Sunday we were right back to work, minus the classes. We wre off to an intense "Birthright" day full of serious hikes to a waterfall after driving through a minefield. And of course kayaking with Sara on the Jordan river! Being the 4th of July and all me and only two other people wore red white and blue...sad. I would have loved to go celebrate but after a three hour bus ride back to Jerusalem I just wasn't feeling it. Which is weird because if you know me you know it's my favorite Holiday!
So right around the end of week two I am feeling like I could stay forever and never go back and that it would just be easier that way. I am now already planning my next trip to Israel. And I have a Liz Gilbert moment and I'm like STOPPP!!! YOUR HERE!! LOOK UP!
So yes I will come home and on the 4th of July of all days I am feeling like I miss the good ol' ( not as ol' as Israel) USA...and of course Starbucks
After this lecture I decided to take it easy at Ben Yahuda with some delicious veggie food and coffee bean. The seminar that night was my favorite so far. We discussed values and attempted to figure out why we wake up everyday!? What's the point? What's Rachael Jimenezs point!? We had to choose 10 of 50 values and I chose: Friendship, Judaism, Truth, Justice, Success, Loyalty, Spirituality ( G-d), Passion, self development and creativity. We then had to pick 5 which wasn't so bad, I picked : Spirituality, Passion, Justice, Truth, and Friendship. The next step was 2 and put them in order...this was hard. I had to really think about..."why do I do what I do? what do I believe in most?" I came up with 1. Spirituality (G-d) and 2. Passion. Sound like me? Today, yes.
Now the point is that keeping Shabbos is a time to celebrate what you really believe in, your values. I went to sleep with more than enough to think about including laundry and packing for Shabbos ( our trip to Tsfat, Galalie, Tiberias, Jordan River and a hike to remember).
Friday came and I was so excited for Shabbat. I needed it! And after all this week I was in need of good Shabbos food. I was excited to exercise my challah pacing ( as in don't eat a shit load of challah because you won't be able to eat the other 3 courses). First though we went to beautiful Tsfat! Which reminded me of a more crowded ( jewish) Mykanos. Filled with Art and jewelry shops in the midst of ruins. I finally got one of those Israeli wrap skirts. Can't wait to wear it in Cali! After a delicious salad we were off to a not so delicious orthodox hotel...can I say...wait maybe I won't say...
But besides the awful smell of the lobby, crowded with orthodox Israelis with at least 10 screaming children each. The rooms reminded me of a run down Motel 6 but we had it lucky because some girls had lizards, roaches, pee coming out of the shower, and blood stained sheets. WEEEEE! I nearly starved the food was so unappetizing. Sara is now considering becoming a vegetarian. But despite the little discomforts we got to sleep in till 11am and have wonderful learning sessions full of meditations and stories all by my favorite Rabbi Katz. I actually got a one on one with him about the entertainment career and Judaism and how do I keep holy considering the profession I am interested in. Ask me about the answer as it is personal and better to relate to in person. Needless to say, I have a lot to think about.
We ended Shabbos with a beautiful sunset over the sea of Galalie and we celebrated on a small boat with drums and Israeli music and dancing. I know there are videos! I hope people post them eventually.
Sunday we were right back to work, minus the classes. We wre off to an intense "Birthright" day full of serious hikes to a waterfall after driving through a minefield. And of course kayaking with Sara on the Jordan river! Being the 4th of July and all me and only two other people wore red white and blue...sad. I would have loved to go celebrate but after a three hour bus ride back to Jerusalem I just wasn't feeling it. Which is weird because if you know me you know it's my favorite Holiday!
So right around the end of week two I am feeling like I could stay forever and never go back and that it would just be easier that way. I am now already planning my next trip to Israel. And I have a Liz Gilbert moment and I'm like STOPPP!!! YOUR HERE!! LOOK UP!
So yes I will come home and on the 4th of July of all days I am feeling like I miss the good ol' ( not as ol' as Israel) USA...and of course Starbucks
Friday, August 6, 2010
Really
So I'm sitting Jaffa Street in Jerusalem with some great girls with my great coffee bean ( Kosher, of course ) and attempting to focus and write about the past two days but part of me feels like I'm missing out by looking down at my journal, but let me tell you, it's not that bad since all I've been doing is engaging in conversation and thinking and evaluating and not gonna lie stressing about going home already even though I have a week and a half left. I could extend? But responsibility calls. I gotta move in my beautiful new house with my girls and my trip to AZ is coming up. I have at least two more trips to Palm Springs and getting ready for what will be the rest of my new life. So you can see why I am a little distracted at times. But most of time I really am present here. I am really working on that as well as a WHOLE lot of other things. So you know when its like late at night and you end up having a deep conversation with a friend that ends up being 3 hrs and changes your life...well thats kinda what this is like all the time. We are self discovering while brushing our teeth. Never ending learning....the "jewish way". It's the most exhausting fullfilling thing I have been a part of.
So back to Tuesday. Class, class, and more class. Self discovery, Judaism and sexuality, relationships and basically that I have been doing everything wrong...surprise? NOT REALLY. Ask me about this its really interesting and I would love to talk about it in person. In the afternoon we went to Yad Vashem. The Holocaust museum of Israel. I feel like this is something everyone should see at least once. Even if that means going to the Tolerance Museum or the one in D.C. it should be mandatory that you know these stories. I know when I attend these museums that the images of such torture and cruelty are vivid and almost a visceral experience. It's a heavy sadness that you want to be able to fully comprehend but you can't really. This museum was so detailed and like Judaism nothing was placed by accident, including the architecture. I was deeply moved once again by the stories of the survivors and chilled by the pictures and descriptions of the what took place. Of course I have heard stories before and gone to museums and learned about this my whole life, but I will never think "Oh Ya...I've heard that before", I hope no one feels that way about the Holocaust, because once it becomes that way we might forget and we must NEVER FORGET. It is my job as a Jew and as a human being to know history, so I can be a part of "NEVER AGAIN".
After the museum we went to the main mall in Jerusalem where I bough some religious clothes...can't wait to show you guys :). and funny Israeli fashion items. After some falafel we headed back to Ben Yahuda BACK to Constantine....which I swore I would never return...after a swallow of the Israel equivalent of Popov, appropraitly named "Perfect", we entered the club where it was just our group. Sometimes things the second time are really not good at all. So I tried to leave but the security gaurd proceeded to yell at me in Hebrew and as I went to escape by him he raised his hand to me...uhhhh...scary...and told me I couldn't leave for an hour. WTF! So I called Thalia to come save me which she did. I was okay now. But REALLY!!! That was my last time at Constantine.
I haven't really been waking up too tired even though we basically go out everynight. Wed morning of course there were classes and I am so overwhelmed by such wisdom and truth that as I've been saying its really difficult to take it all in. I can only hope that somehow if I ever get into a situation where I can use this knowledge I'll be able to access it. A few topics for today included reincarnation, Torah and more of it's secrets. The afternoon was filled with everything stereotypical "The Israel experience". We went to the land of Genesis in the desert where we got a "Bible experience". We entered a tent, but not just any tent, the tent of Abraham where an actor (with a south african accent) told his story, the story of Abraham, and shared with us dried fruit, pita baking and a little hebrew lesson where we wrote with a piece of wood and ink on a postcard. I sent it to Mom and Dad..maybe they'll get it. Lastly I rode a camel....which was a little cruel because I don't think they really like it too much... I had a great camel partner Ariella! WOOT! So basically it felt like riding a horse as we crawled up a hill no longer than some Palos Verdes driveways which I am kinda glad these poor camels do not have to do too much in the hot sun. Poor babies :(. After we went to an awful food court that is suppose to be really great...but I REALLY could not eat any more falafel. So I got cucumber roll...ehhhhh....well just imagine. Quickly after were were off to another home to listen to a speaker talk about Shomer Negiah. A practice that some jews keep that includes not touching the other sex at all. Sound Crazy? well talk to me about it...it may seem ridiculous but its probably the most valid thing I have heard so far. Please ask me about this one, I would love to have a chat. uh-oh the "brainwash" is working.
So of course I went to Ben Yahuda, even though I shouldn't have. But it was Ariellas birthday!!! So of course I couldn't say no. So we went to a cute Israeli cafe were I got tea and some some more debate and questioning. Another late night and No i didn't send my postcards or do my laundry, but thats just the way it goes.
So back to Tuesday. Class, class, and more class. Self discovery, Judaism and sexuality, relationships and basically that I have been doing everything wrong...surprise? NOT REALLY. Ask me about this its really interesting and I would love to talk about it in person. In the afternoon we went to Yad Vashem. The Holocaust museum of Israel. I feel like this is something everyone should see at least once. Even if that means going to the Tolerance Museum or the one in D.C. it should be mandatory that you know these stories. I know when I attend these museums that the images of such torture and cruelty are vivid and almost a visceral experience. It's a heavy sadness that you want to be able to fully comprehend but you can't really. This museum was so detailed and like Judaism nothing was placed by accident, including the architecture. I was deeply moved once again by the stories of the survivors and chilled by the pictures and descriptions of the what took place. Of course I have heard stories before and gone to museums and learned about this my whole life, but I will never think "Oh Ya...I've heard that before", I hope no one feels that way about the Holocaust, because once it becomes that way we might forget and we must NEVER FORGET. It is my job as a Jew and as a human being to know history, so I can be a part of "NEVER AGAIN".
After the museum we went to the main mall in Jerusalem where I bough some religious clothes...can't wait to show you guys :). and funny Israeli fashion items. After some falafel we headed back to Ben Yahuda BACK to Constantine....which I swore I would never return...after a swallow of the Israel equivalent of Popov, appropraitly named "Perfect", we entered the club where it was just our group. Sometimes things the second time are really not good at all. So I tried to leave but the security gaurd proceeded to yell at me in Hebrew and as I went to escape by him he raised his hand to me...uhhhh...scary...and told me I couldn't leave for an hour. WTF! So I called Thalia to come save me which she did. I was okay now. But REALLY!!! That was my last time at Constantine.
I haven't really been waking up too tired even though we basically go out everynight. Wed morning of course there were classes and I am so overwhelmed by such wisdom and truth that as I've been saying its really difficult to take it all in. I can only hope that somehow if I ever get into a situation where I can use this knowledge I'll be able to access it. A few topics for today included reincarnation, Torah and more of it's secrets. The afternoon was filled with everything stereotypical "The Israel experience". We went to the land of Genesis in the desert where we got a "Bible experience". We entered a tent, but not just any tent, the tent of Abraham where an actor (with a south african accent) told his story, the story of Abraham, and shared with us dried fruit, pita baking and a little hebrew lesson where we wrote with a piece of wood and ink on a postcard. I sent it to Mom and Dad..maybe they'll get it. Lastly I rode a camel....which was a little cruel because I don't think they really like it too much... I had a great camel partner Ariella! WOOT! So basically it felt like riding a horse as we crawled up a hill no longer than some Palos Verdes driveways which I am kinda glad these poor camels do not have to do too much in the hot sun. Poor babies :(. After we went to an awful food court that is suppose to be really great...but I REALLY could not eat any more falafel. So I got cucumber roll...ehhhhh....well just imagine. Quickly after were were off to another home to listen to a speaker talk about Shomer Negiah. A practice that some jews keep that includes not touching the other sex at all. Sound Crazy? well talk to me about it...it may seem ridiculous but its probably the most valid thing I have heard so far. Please ask me about this one, I would love to have a chat. uh-oh the "brainwash" is working.
So of course I went to Ben Yahuda, even though I shouldn't have. But it was Ariellas birthday!!! So of course I couldn't say no. So we went to a cute Israeli cafe were I got tea and some some more debate and questioning. Another late night and No i didn't send my postcards or do my laundry, but thats just the way it goes.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
One Week is Done???
HOW DID I GET HERE?
I always say that...but it's true, I kind of can't believe I have been here for a whole week. So by now I am over this jet lag but I am still exhausted. My feet will not stop swelling but so it is, and I mean I'm doing pretty okay after the past couple of vomiting incidents. SO...GO ME! Oh and every night as we are on the bus back I always turn to Sara and say, "tonight were just gonna pass out", as in no talking or things JUST SLEEP...of course that was before 10pm and now its almost 3 and everyone has just left our room after a good late night schmooze and some spiritual guidance and now I can write for yesterday and today!
It's true what Devon said today about feeling like she needed some time alone to really process whats being thrown at us here. I mean we are living in Israel...in Har Nof...at Neve...with All girls...being taught life lessons and Judaism. We are constantly searching for answers through our tutors and study groups not to mention the continuous conversations and connections made on the long bus rides and whatever "breaks" we have. I mean I made a joke that as much as this trip is like therapy for my soul. I am sure to be heading towards an identity crisis. I see how holy these women live their lives with their families and I think...why isn't that enough for me? What am I not willing to sacrifice to do that? I don't know...A lot of things and I really want to be okay with that.
Event wise, yesterday was a tour of the city of David which of course it blew my mind that I was standing in the spot where Solomon became King! A city and it's Ruins 3,800 Years old! Really I think it's too large for me to understand so I will leave it at that...We got to be in water tunnels that were straight out of Indiana Jones or something. Led by flashlight ( Or lack of one...I forgot) us girls trudged through ancient waterways of the city of David waist high in freezing water...okay it wasn't that cold...But you know what was really cool...or weird...I can't really decide which one... The tour of Japanese tourists in the tunnel began to sing in what I think was Hebrew in lovely harmonies. Now that's an interesting and surprising blessing! We girls were then inspired to sing our songs! "TO have no fear, have no fear at all" it was a beautiful and inspiring moment down there in the tunnels. THIS IS ISRAEL. After the tunnels we as a whole JAM trip gathered at a home for pizza, icebreakers and a moving "Seminar" from Rabbi Doniel Katz again. I am really starting to feel connected to these people now. We are all putting our guards down little by little :).
This seminar was all my fears in one hour long speech. I don't think I could explain how I really feel here...so I guess ask me about it later. All I can say is I understand why keeping Sabbath is important a little more now. And that being able to see each other, a chair, a ladder, and ourselves as modern art by it's definition can be really moving and restful. I started to feel like my desires to perform and go into this industry could be wasted time if my goal in life was really to be closer to Hashem. I have a lot to think about. As of now I see myself living in love and light with mitzvahs galore under my reform laws and style. It fits me today and I don't want to push. As much as I do that already. Not with this.
As the days go by and more wisdom is accumulated it may get easy to be overwhelmed and resistant, but as of now I have never felt more clear headed in Israel. I will keep asking questions, buying souvenirs and eating hummus...
I guess day 7 really does come with peace of mind. Thank You, Hashem, I know your on my side :)
I always say that...but it's true, I kind of can't believe I have been here for a whole week. So by now I am over this jet lag but I am still exhausted. My feet will not stop swelling but so it is, and I mean I'm doing pretty okay after the past couple of vomiting incidents. SO...GO ME! Oh and every night as we are on the bus back I always turn to Sara and say, "tonight were just gonna pass out", as in no talking or things JUST SLEEP...of course that was before 10pm and now its almost 3 and everyone has just left our room after a good late night schmooze and some spiritual guidance and now I can write for yesterday and today!
It's true what Devon said today about feeling like she needed some time alone to really process whats being thrown at us here. I mean we are living in Israel...in Har Nof...at Neve...with All girls...being taught life lessons and Judaism. We are constantly searching for answers through our tutors and study groups not to mention the continuous conversations and connections made on the long bus rides and whatever "breaks" we have. I mean I made a joke that as much as this trip is like therapy for my soul. I am sure to be heading towards an identity crisis. I see how holy these women live their lives with their families and I think...why isn't that enough for me? What am I not willing to sacrifice to do that? I don't know...A lot of things and I really want to be okay with that.
Event wise, yesterday was a tour of the city of David which of course it blew my mind that I was standing in the spot where Solomon became King! A city and it's Ruins 3,800 Years old! Really I think it's too large for me to understand so I will leave it at that...We got to be in water tunnels that were straight out of Indiana Jones or something. Led by flashlight ( Or lack of one...I forgot) us girls trudged through ancient waterways of the city of David waist high in freezing water...okay it wasn't that cold...But you know what was really cool...or weird...I can't really decide which one... The tour of Japanese tourists in the tunnel began to sing in what I think was Hebrew in lovely harmonies. Now that's an interesting and surprising blessing! We girls were then inspired to sing our songs! "TO have no fear, have no fear at all" it was a beautiful and inspiring moment down there in the tunnels. THIS IS ISRAEL. After the tunnels we as a whole JAM trip gathered at a home for pizza, icebreakers and a moving "Seminar" from Rabbi Doniel Katz again. I am really starting to feel connected to these people now. We are all putting our guards down little by little :).
This seminar was all my fears in one hour long speech. I don't think I could explain how I really feel here...so I guess ask me about it later. All I can say is I understand why keeping Sabbath is important a little more now. And that being able to see each other, a chair, a ladder, and ourselves as modern art by it's definition can be really moving and restful. I started to feel like my desires to perform and go into this industry could be wasted time if my goal in life was really to be closer to Hashem. I have a lot to think about. As of now I see myself living in love and light with mitzvahs galore under my reform laws and style. It fits me today and I don't want to push. As much as I do that already. Not with this.
As the days go by and more wisdom is accumulated it may get easy to be overwhelmed and resistant, but as of now I have never felt more clear headed in Israel. I will keep asking questions, buying souvenirs and eating hummus...
I guess day 7 really does come with peace of mind. Thank You, Hashem, I know your on my side :)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Day 4: No Title.
I hope I am not boring you, these blogs are very long ( sorry Brock) But I hope you still read on because usually they have more than one day in them, like this one, since I couldn't write on Shabbat. Internet cafe's are not as frequent in Jerusalem as they are in Europe, plus our free/rest time is spent in Neve. So sorry for the blog overload. Let's see...where did I leave off...Oh yes it must be at 3am on Friday morning when we got up to see sunrise at Mesada. We just missed the sun actually rising but it was still beautiful to look at those few times I dared turn around as we ascended up the Roman Ramp. Now everyone has and is still trying to scare me about the Israeli sun and it's ridiculous heat. But Hashem has granted us Americans more comfort on our trip. I mean have you ever heard a Jew complain?, let alone an American Jew climbing Mesada...it's like the ultimate whine fest. Anyways after a too windy bus ride, I guess I still haven't learned that the third row doesn't count as the front of the bus...and I threw up...again. What little food I had within me was now not, and I began this famous climb. Now surprisingly it wasn't that hard. And it was basically as magnificent as everyone told me it would be and more. At the top we got a tour of the ruins and the story that gave this place some serious soul. We learned that Mesada was the perfect get away/hideout. It is so high up that no one would really bother to attack. So King Harod and other Jews began to live there, of course this pissed some Romans off as they wanted to conquer so they planned an attack. So here the Jews were, facing the question of fight or flight, once again, a question that would come up a couple more times in Jewish history. So I had to think if I knew hundreds of Roman soldiers were coming to rape and kill me and my family....would I fight? or turn myself in? I don't mean to sounds like a wuss...but really think about it. What would you do? well the people of Masada decided to die a "Nobel" death at their own hands. There were a few that "chickened" out, but thank G-d for that they did so they were able to tell the story. But seriously...what would you do? I would have to say I would turn myself into slavery. I would like to tell you a Nobel reason why. But really...plainly...I'm scared of death.
So I didn't believe Hannah when she said the snake path down was harder than up. But it was! it really was! I lost the group, so I went down alone which was actually kinda of nice, not so peaceful when neither of my feet were on the same level of ground at any given time...oy...vey. 45 minutes or so pass and I have done Mesada it's probably 7 or 8am when we do some breakfast and get on the bus back to Jerusalem for first Shabbos! This was actually the first time I didn't throw up! YES! okay can I say one thing? they do not stop feeding us here! I am in pain from so much good so don't be surprised if I come back and I have gained 20lbs.
So here came Shabbat 1 as the sun set and with it came Sara! Finally! Of course G-d made it so we could have Shabbat together, if not anything else this week! So we get ready in our most nice and religious garb. I can't wait till you see the pics! I am straight out of Fairfax, tights and all. Then we were off to Maalot Dafna and such for Shabbat with Families. I was paired with Morgan, a sweet girl from San Francisco, who I guess looks a lot like me... hahaha. And we ended up being the perfect pair for the weekend. We had host families that took us in to sleep. Mine being a young couple no older than 25 with a two year old Hadasa and one on the way...Sometimes I find myself counting the gaggle of children following the mothers up to 10, 12 or even 14! We also had dinner families. I shared my first dinner with Morgan and Sara and a few others it ws beautiful! The food was incredible from plumb crumble, to Quinoa, and salads. Not to mention Challah...Which I need to learn how to pace because if eat a shit load of Challah you won't be able to eat the next 3 courses let alone the next three meals! Dinner and conversations on Torah and JCrew went till 11:45pm which then we were suppose to go eat more food at the oneg! So we climbed 6 flights of stairs. ( there are a lot of stairs here.) Around now I am the most painfully full so when we get there we basically turn around and descend those same 6 flights and walk back to our Sleep Family. After getting a little lost we finally made it back and managed our way through the dark to our beds and went to sleep immediately.
One of the great things about Shabbat is that you get to sleep in! Well at least we got to sleep in! till like 11! which was very much needed at the end of this week. And by the time we got up it was time for second meal. We traveled a small distance to our 2nd meal family ( which is basically like brunch)...but you are still full from last night. The lunch was smaller in guests but not in the amount of food.AHHHH! I am sooo pufffy.
After that we enjoyed the park for a few hours and then headed off to our THIRD MEAL! With all of JAM. We enjoyed singing and dancing so basically it's like Thanksgiving every week. As we closed with Havdallah it was like instant stress again as we had our "free night" And everyone wanted to go out. But first we had to go back to our family where we got lost, to the bus were we got lost and missed...but another one came!! BLESS G-D! And we were on our way to Neve which was moody and dramatic ride for everyone. Against my will I decided to join everyone at Ben Yahuda knowing I should have done coffee bean but went to a bar and Hookah followed by a club. OYYY. They are so crowded and the floors where wet...with I don't know what...It was overall a little ridiculous if you know what I mean. So somehow we made curfew and everyone is safe...not so fast...so I wake up this morning thinking I'm hungover but really...throwing up everything you eat and more for hours does not sounds like hungover. So I have to go to an Israeli Hospital called Terem and wait for 2 hours puking by brains out only to have a nurse in a dirty "hospital" I mean this REALLY isn't America people. BLOOD ON THE FLOOR! Needles in open trashcans...everything is dusty or broken BIGGG OYYY!!! The nurse tried to put a needle in my arm even though I told her she would have to put it in my hands, she ignores me and of course we have to move to my hand and I get an IV and some meds and lay on a "bed" till my IV is overdone and I am bleeding out...and mostly...no one cares. It talks about four hours for me to go through all of this missing my programs for the rest of the day to learn... I have a virus...SO to Neve I go sad I am missing out but happy I have food staying down and sleep.
After everyone came back at 11 I feel like I should stay longer because they went to Rachel's Tomb...basically the one things I wanted to do here! I mean really! I heard from Sara it was magical. I guess this means I am coming back to Israel! G-d would have put me on that trip if I was suppose to be on that trip, so I will trust Him.
I pray tonight that I do not throw up anymore on this trip :)
So I didn't believe Hannah when she said the snake path down was harder than up. But it was! it really was! I lost the group, so I went down alone which was actually kinda of nice, not so peaceful when neither of my feet were on the same level of ground at any given time...oy...vey. 45 minutes or so pass and I have done Mesada it's probably 7 or 8am when we do some breakfast and get on the bus back to Jerusalem for first Shabbos! This was actually the first time I didn't throw up! YES! okay can I say one thing? they do not stop feeding us here! I am in pain from so much good so don't be surprised if I come back and I have gained 20lbs.
So here came Shabbat 1 as the sun set and with it came Sara! Finally! Of course G-d made it so we could have Shabbat together, if not anything else this week! So we get ready in our most nice and religious garb. I can't wait till you see the pics! I am straight out of Fairfax, tights and all. Then we were off to Maalot Dafna and such for Shabbat with Families. I was paired with Morgan, a sweet girl from San Francisco, who I guess looks a lot like me... hahaha. And we ended up being the perfect pair for the weekend. We had host families that took us in to sleep. Mine being a young couple no older than 25 with a two year old Hadasa and one on the way...Sometimes I find myself counting the gaggle of children following the mothers up to 10, 12 or even 14! We also had dinner families. I shared my first dinner with Morgan and Sara and a few others it ws beautiful! The food was incredible from plumb crumble, to Quinoa, and salads. Not to mention Challah...Which I need to learn how to pace because if eat a shit load of Challah you won't be able to eat the next 3 courses let alone the next three meals! Dinner and conversations on Torah and JCrew went till 11:45pm which then we were suppose to go eat more food at the oneg! So we climbed 6 flights of stairs. ( there are a lot of stairs here.) Around now I am the most painfully full so when we get there we basically turn around and descend those same 6 flights and walk back to our Sleep Family. After getting a little lost we finally made it back and managed our way through the dark to our beds and went to sleep immediately.
One of the great things about Shabbat is that you get to sleep in! Well at least we got to sleep in! till like 11! which was very much needed at the end of this week. And by the time we got up it was time for second meal. We traveled a small distance to our 2nd meal family ( which is basically like brunch)...but you are still full from last night. The lunch was smaller in guests but not in the amount of food.AHHHH! I am sooo pufffy.
After that we enjoyed the park for a few hours and then headed off to our THIRD MEAL! With all of JAM. We enjoyed singing and dancing so basically it's like Thanksgiving every week. As we closed with Havdallah it was like instant stress again as we had our "free night" And everyone wanted to go out. But first we had to go back to our family where we got lost, to the bus were we got lost and missed...but another one came!! BLESS G-D! And we were on our way to Neve which was moody and dramatic ride for everyone. Against my will I decided to join everyone at Ben Yahuda knowing I should have done coffee bean but went to a bar and Hookah followed by a club. OYYY. They are so crowded and the floors where wet...with I don't know what...It was overall a little ridiculous if you know what I mean. So somehow we made curfew and everyone is safe...not so fast...so I wake up this morning thinking I'm hungover but really...throwing up everything you eat and more for hours does not sounds like hungover. So I have to go to an Israeli Hospital called Terem and wait for 2 hours puking by brains out only to have a nurse in a dirty "hospital" I mean this REALLY isn't America people. BLOOD ON THE FLOOR! Needles in open trashcans...everything is dusty or broken BIGGG OYYY!!! The nurse tried to put a needle in my arm even though I told her she would have to put it in my hands, she ignores me and of course we have to move to my hand and I get an IV and some meds and lay on a "bed" till my IV is overdone and I am bleeding out...and mostly...no one cares. It talks about four hours for me to go through all of this missing my programs for the rest of the day to learn... I have a virus...SO to Neve I go sad I am missing out but happy I have food staying down and sleep.
After everyone came back at 11 I feel like I should stay longer because they went to Rachel's Tomb...basically the one things I wanted to do here! I mean really! I heard from Sara it was magical. I guess this means I am coming back to Israel! G-d would have put me on that trip if I was suppose to be on that trip, so I will trust Him.
I pray tonight that I do not throw up anymore on this trip :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Day 3, Oh me...
My fears came out a little today, oy very. Going strong so far, but today was hard. Getting a little homesick. Sara is still not here, it is a little upsetting. I want her here! It's not the same! I mean she is the reason that I even heard of JAM. I feel bad that she missed the Kotel and the waterfalls and now Mesada. We are here now, and so is she but I don't think she is in Neve...I don't know!!! We haven't had much contact in fact I've basically haven't had any contact with anyone even my parents...oh well. It is what it is...
Sooo today...it was harder doing day 2/3 or whatever day it is...more than day 1. I am physically exhausted. Constantly dehydrated no matter how much water I drink my pee is still yellow! AHHHH I don't think I've had protein... and overall 11 hours of sleep in 3 days does not do anyone good. ENOUGH COMPLAINING! :)
Class today was a little more dense...We talked about achieving world peace, and where war comes from according to Judaism. After a history lesson of sorts we came to learn that peace is achieved by focusing on something higher...sounds simple right? I guess not ( Think on that ). I am gonna write that from now on instead of writing a full essay, that I could defiantly write on these topics, and hopefully we can shmooze and coffee together when I get back and talk about it :).
I then met with Shira again, we added another student to our group, Sara O! YAY! We talked about struggles with things like bad mornings, but more interestingly heaven. We barely touched on it but I liked what I learned. I hope to relay the learning on to someone so ASK ME! this of course is according to Torah and other Jewish things but please don't let that turn you away. WE MEAN SHALOM ( Peace)...but don't we all? I don't know. The last thing we talked about today was....FEAR. OF COURSE. Particularly fear of death. I mean who doesn't fear death...well I guess there are some people who don't, and If I could really put my mind around that death is basically birth maybe I wouldn't either. I mean when you think about it when we are born, we are torn from a place of safety inside our mothers. All the life that we have known has taken place in that place. SO when we leave that place ( birth) it's kinda like death? does that make sense? okay because sometimes I am bad at explaining these things. In conclusion what I am saying is that...maybe our death is a birth into something new...I'd like to think so :).
THE FINAL lecture of the day dealt with learning some more wisdom. SHOCKING! What really stuck with me from this talk is that ALL TRUTH COMES FROM WITHIN, and that is basically the lesson of life. Okay now that we know that...lets just add one more little sliver of wisdom..." Learn how to die before you learn how to live!" I mean what does that mean!!??? YOU TELL ME!
I plan on dreaming on these two things at the beautiful Masada Hostel( It really is very nice) tonight and if you come up with something on those thoughts let me know! because I would love to talk about that too.
The journey to Masada was rough. Two hours from Jerusalem. I got to see the West Bank and Muslim quarters. I also didn't remember how bad I get motion sickness but I guess it's really bad. But I gotta say Harel the bus driver and the bus itself didn't help. Needless to say I became very sick and ended up throwing up in a trashcan on the bus 3x...oy...I was not good. But I was like NO BIGGIE...I'll jump off the bus in 98 degree Israeli weather and hike to a waterfall which was more pleasant than you think! I got pictures to prove it! The next trip was the dead sea, where I lost my shirt...Israel has to claim something from me. I hope that's it. I have been waiting my whole life to float ( literally) in the salty waters of the Dead Sea. And yes it stung...but a lot less for me than other people. But the pain is worth it...your skin and hair are nice and soft, I need a dead sea bath at home.
After a delicious traditional Israeli dinner...I think that's what it was, and good talks it was time to head to the Masada youth hostel, which is beautiful!!! Better then any hotel I stayed at in Europe! On the way there I got sick again...I am not having this throwing up! Tomorrow our hike starts at 5am so its after nine and I must sleep! Lila Tov.
To a day harder the the rest but fulfilling in the end...so Jewish.
Sooo today...it was harder doing day 2/3 or whatever day it is...more than day 1. I am physically exhausted. Constantly dehydrated no matter how much water I drink my pee is still yellow! AHHHH I don't think I've had protein... and overall 11 hours of sleep in 3 days does not do anyone good. ENOUGH COMPLAINING! :)
Class today was a little more dense...We talked about achieving world peace, and where war comes from according to Judaism. After a history lesson of sorts we came to learn that peace is achieved by focusing on something higher...sounds simple right? I guess not ( Think on that ). I am gonna write that from now on instead of writing a full essay, that I could defiantly write on these topics, and hopefully we can shmooze and coffee together when I get back and talk about it :).
I then met with Shira again, we added another student to our group, Sara O! YAY! We talked about struggles with things like bad mornings, but more interestingly heaven. We barely touched on it but I liked what I learned. I hope to relay the learning on to someone so ASK ME! this of course is according to Torah and other Jewish things but please don't let that turn you away. WE MEAN SHALOM ( Peace)...but don't we all? I don't know. The last thing we talked about today was....FEAR. OF COURSE. Particularly fear of death. I mean who doesn't fear death...well I guess there are some people who don't, and If I could really put my mind around that death is basically birth maybe I wouldn't either. I mean when you think about it when we are born, we are torn from a place of safety inside our mothers. All the life that we have known has taken place in that place. SO when we leave that place ( birth) it's kinda like death? does that make sense? okay because sometimes I am bad at explaining these things. In conclusion what I am saying is that...maybe our death is a birth into something new...I'd like to think so :).
THE FINAL lecture of the day dealt with learning some more wisdom. SHOCKING! What really stuck with me from this talk is that ALL TRUTH COMES FROM WITHIN, and that is basically the lesson of life. Okay now that we know that...lets just add one more little sliver of wisdom..." Learn how to die before you learn how to live!" I mean what does that mean!!??? YOU TELL ME!
I plan on dreaming on these two things at the beautiful Masada Hostel( It really is very nice) tonight and if you come up with something on those thoughts let me know! because I would love to talk about that too.
The journey to Masada was rough. Two hours from Jerusalem. I got to see the West Bank and Muslim quarters. I also didn't remember how bad I get motion sickness but I guess it's really bad. But I gotta say Harel the bus driver and the bus itself didn't help. Needless to say I became very sick and ended up throwing up in a trashcan on the bus 3x...oy...I was not good. But I was like NO BIGGIE...I'll jump off the bus in 98 degree Israeli weather and hike to a waterfall which was more pleasant than you think! I got pictures to prove it! The next trip was the dead sea, where I lost my shirt...Israel has to claim something from me. I hope that's it. I have been waiting my whole life to float ( literally) in the salty waters of the Dead Sea. And yes it stung...but a lot less for me than other people. But the pain is worth it...your skin and hair are nice and soft, I need a dead sea bath at home.
After a delicious traditional Israeli dinner...I think that's what it was, and good talks it was time to head to the Masada youth hostel, which is beautiful!!! Better then any hotel I stayed at in Europe! On the way there I got sick again...I am not having this throwing up! Tomorrow our hike starts at 5am so its after nine and I must sleep! Lila Tov.
To a day harder the the rest but fulfilling in the end...so Jewish.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It is what it is...
Jewish people say this a lot. I want to write a lot tonight. I just got a new roommate Casey, so I'm not alone anymore! Sara is coming tomorrow and I'm not gonna lie it's been hard her without her :(. Sometimes you have to have a partner here and I will always "find" someone but I rather just know she's there and that I'm not gonna be the odd one out, since it is still the beginning. Casey is from Palos Verdes, which is crazy because most people here don't even know where that is, which is kinda nice to not have that stereotype at first.
So today was easier then I thought. I got up at 7:30 ( I didn't sleep amazing but who does)...and had my first Israeli breakfast, which is American but faker and sweeter...I'm not fan of sweet things but " it is what it is." Next we had our first day of classes the first speaker spoke about women and prayer. I should tell you that I am in Jerusalem in Har Nof, in Neve Yerushalayim an all girls Seminary, which I basically see as college for your soul. There is a level of holiness and respect in your learning. It's just sincere, the whole experience.
So back to our first speaker on prayer and how to pray ect ect. I have been wondering about this a lot and if I'm even doing it right. I loved the way she put it. "Prayer is building a relationship with Hashem, circumstances, humanity...it's large!! and connects us all!" I also came to understand that prayers are WORDS not THOUGHTS, so even when we think something if we don't allow the diction experience when our thoughts turn into words the prayer is not as full as it could be. WORDS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BOND BETWEEN BODY AND SOUL. I learned that we should pray morning, noon and night which I remember at my days in Chabad but forgot quickly I guess...Prayer is not easy. So here is your step by step guide :) if there would be such a thing...
1. Praise! Praise G-d, he is the world and more. this gives purpose to everything and when there is purpose to everything relationships are important...you see where this is going??
2. Request! I always had trouble with this, I have been given so much and had it so easy I don't ever feel like I can request for more. But you can! Hashem listens to all prayers no matter how big or small...you may find it stupid to pray for your infected nose ring...when people are suffering the worst pain across the world, but Hashem will still listen :)
Boy do I need time, I mean the things I thought I knew...I really just have no idea. That's what my Memoir will be called....What I don't know... I mean you don't just get Judaism! You don't get to take some religious studies courses and be a theologian! it so much more and deep. I know I will need my whole life and more! But for now lets think on some of the things Mrs. Heller discussed to make this day one of mind blowing.
Step 3 to prayer:
3. Thanks! appreciation I believe comes from consciousness and knowing that all G-d has given us is a gift! and that we must give thanks for our body and soul and everything that it does! and everything we gain day to day. It's easy to live life dead. Thankfulness makes you alive.
Well I don't know about you guys but that basically blew my mind as I looked out the window on clear breezy sunny day with the most beautiful view of the Old City, it is really all overwhelming. And what do we do in between lectures? OF COURSE! "Coffee and Shmooze"...it's actually called that...
The next lecture is on LOVE...and no I haven't me the Jewish man of my dreams on this trip yet. We discussed the differences between infatuation and love. She used a beautiful example of a rose. You see a lovely rose and you just love it so much that you cut it off and take it to have. But if you loved it! You would water it and nurture it and keep it living. That is the difference between infatuation and love...get it? okay neither did I...but it takes time. Let's just say I have been in a whole lot of infatuation and not much love. we also talked about time bombs in relationships.
1. different religions
2. Overbearing mother
3. age gap ( more like a generation gap)
4. problematic exes
And I could go into it more but you get the point...But I say...How will I find a Jewish boy without an overbearing mother?
OY Vey...
We also met our individual teachers today to discuss any questions in small groups of two or three. My lead is Shira. She is wonderful, and a little sassy. From New York but now lives in Israel. We talked about Kabbalah, Torah...Are they the same? what's the rage? Ask me for answers when I get home if you care. I will have answers...or maybe I won't. As Rabbi Katz says its the questions that are more important. I mean if you don't ask the questions in the first place...where are you...
I am loving the food here, pita falafel, tahina, rice and more "Israeli salad" ( cucumber and tomato). I am catching on to some Hebrew and best of all I don't feel like that much of a tourist, in a way this is home.
Today we toured the Old City in Jerusalem. We visited the Kotel ( MY FIRST TIME) Now looking back on it I wish I knew how to put this experience in words or cohesive sentences but its a hard, so here is the list:
expectation was high
wanted to be moved
Scared I would be
the holiest place in the universe
my first time
what do I pray
how do I pray
and what will I write
Will G-d hear me here more than anywhere?
oh no...
make it good...
There I go scaring myself AGAIN! So I tried to make my prayer "good" and I don't want to say what I prayed for kinda like a birthday wish. But entering the kotel and praying and the wall seeing the women cry I was scared to touch it. I finally got the courage to put my prayer in and give thanks and of course I cried. But I don't know why. I think that's okay. I'd love to talk about this experience in person so ASK ME!
Next we went to dinner and I went with Shelley, Rachel and Hannah. The falafel man asked Shelley to make the falafel...only in israel...So she did and it was the best falafel I have ever had! Sorry Mom :) Then we took a tour of under the tunnels under the wall where I ran into Robert and AJ from CSUF! Hillel!!!...seriously Israel is small. Lastly we went to Ben Yahuda, almost the opposite of the Kotel, bars, clubs, girls who were...not so modest. I really was so exhausted I didn't feel like doing and thing but watch and sit....so I did.
Amen to today as it is 3am and I must be up soon. I can't believe it's Thursday
HOW DID I GET HERE!!!!??
So today was easier then I thought. I got up at 7:30 ( I didn't sleep amazing but who does)...and had my first Israeli breakfast, which is American but faker and sweeter...I'm not fan of sweet things but " it is what it is." Next we had our first day of classes the first speaker spoke about women and prayer. I should tell you that I am in Jerusalem in Har Nof, in Neve Yerushalayim an all girls Seminary, which I basically see as college for your soul. There is a level of holiness and respect in your learning. It's just sincere, the whole experience.
So back to our first speaker on prayer and how to pray ect ect. I have been wondering about this a lot and if I'm even doing it right. I loved the way she put it. "Prayer is building a relationship with Hashem, circumstances, humanity...it's large!! and connects us all!" I also came to understand that prayers are WORDS not THOUGHTS, so even when we think something if we don't allow the diction experience when our thoughts turn into words the prayer is not as full as it could be. WORDS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BOND BETWEEN BODY AND SOUL. I learned that we should pray morning, noon and night which I remember at my days in Chabad but forgot quickly I guess...Prayer is not easy. So here is your step by step guide :) if there would be such a thing...
1. Praise! Praise G-d, he is the world and more. this gives purpose to everything and when there is purpose to everything relationships are important...you see where this is going??
2. Request! I always had trouble with this, I have been given so much and had it so easy I don't ever feel like I can request for more. But you can! Hashem listens to all prayers no matter how big or small...you may find it stupid to pray for your infected nose ring...when people are suffering the worst pain across the world, but Hashem will still listen :)
Boy do I need time, I mean the things I thought I knew...I really just have no idea. That's what my Memoir will be called....What I don't know... I mean you don't just get Judaism! You don't get to take some religious studies courses and be a theologian! it so much more and deep. I know I will need my whole life and more! But for now lets think on some of the things Mrs. Heller discussed to make this day one of mind blowing.
Step 3 to prayer:
3. Thanks! appreciation I believe comes from consciousness and knowing that all G-d has given us is a gift! and that we must give thanks for our body and soul and everything that it does! and everything we gain day to day. It's easy to live life dead. Thankfulness makes you alive.
Well I don't know about you guys but that basically blew my mind as I looked out the window on clear breezy sunny day with the most beautiful view of the Old City, it is really all overwhelming. And what do we do in between lectures? OF COURSE! "Coffee and Shmooze"...it's actually called that...
The next lecture is on LOVE...and no I haven't me the Jewish man of my dreams on this trip yet. We discussed the differences between infatuation and love. She used a beautiful example of a rose. You see a lovely rose and you just love it so much that you cut it off and take it to have. But if you loved it! You would water it and nurture it and keep it living. That is the difference between infatuation and love...get it? okay neither did I...but it takes time. Let's just say I have been in a whole lot of infatuation and not much love. we also talked about time bombs in relationships.
1. different religions
2. Overbearing mother
3. age gap ( more like a generation gap)
4. problematic exes
And I could go into it more but you get the point...But I say...How will I find a Jewish boy without an overbearing mother?
OY Vey...
We also met our individual teachers today to discuss any questions in small groups of two or three. My lead is Shira. She is wonderful, and a little sassy. From New York but now lives in Israel. We talked about Kabbalah, Torah...Are they the same? what's the rage? Ask me for answers when I get home if you care. I will have answers...or maybe I won't. As Rabbi Katz says its the questions that are more important. I mean if you don't ask the questions in the first place...where are you...
I am loving the food here, pita falafel, tahina, rice and more "Israeli salad" ( cucumber and tomato). I am catching on to some Hebrew and best of all I don't feel like that much of a tourist, in a way this is home.
Today we toured the Old City in Jerusalem. We visited the Kotel ( MY FIRST TIME) Now looking back on it I wish I knew how to put this experience in words or cohesive sentences but its a hard, so here is the list:
expectation was high
wanted to be moved
Scared I would be
the holiest place in the universe
my first time
what do I pray
how do I pray
and what will I write
Will G-d hear me here more than anywhere?
oh no...
make it good...
There I go scaring myself AGAIN! So I tried to make my prayer "good" and I don't want to say what I prayed for kinda like a birthday wish. But entering the kotel and praying and the wall seeing the women cry I was scared to touch it. I finally got the courage to put my prayer in and give thanks and of course I cried. But I don't know why. I think that's okay. I'd love to talk about this experience in person so ASK ME!
Next we went to dinner and I went with Shelley, Rachel and Hannah. The falafel man asked Shelley to make the falafel...only in israel...So she did and it was the best falafel I have ever had! Sorry Mom :) Then we took a tour of under the tunnels under the wall where I ran into Robert and AJ from CSUF! Hillel!!!...seriously Israel is small. Lastly we went to Ben Yahuda, almost the opposite of the Kotel, bars, clubs, girls who were...not so modest. I really was so exhausted I didn't feel like doing and thing but watch and sit....so I did.
Amen to today as it is 3am and I must be up soon. I can't believe it's Thursday
HOW DID I GET HERE!!!!??
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
June 21st-22 ( Day 1 or Day 2...depending where you are in the world)
A pillow? not quite...a bed? not really...it's 11:45 on Tuesday, my first day in the land of Milk and Honey, and to be honest I am kinda killing myself to write tonight. I have never been more exhausted...and as a college (theatre) student...that's saying a lot. For most of you who don't know I got up at 3:30am yesterday even though it's like today, to get to the airport by 4:20 for my flight at 8am. I was surprised that such a small part of my group was on delta. We made our way just fine to JFK. So technically I was in NY for all of two hours! By the way I'm sick, like sick! at this point I can't hear very well or swallow my throat is so sore and the air pressure/dryness on the plane is not helping!
Our next plane left at 8:00pm so we could arrive at 2pm Israel time. I have by now chosen to forget the discomforts. The 80 (+) birthright folk, loud and crazy behind me impressing each other with college drinking stories. The smaller than any international flight should have seats. And the window seat, which is both a blessing and a curse because I barely got up the whole 10 hours which caused my feet to swell to a very plump size. With the help of my "sleeping aid" and some good old prayer , I got through it.
As I got of the plane I was met with Israels warm humid air finally! Customs was much easier to get through than you might think and finding the rest of the group was a breeze ( things are already getting better in Israel!). All 75 of us split on two buses and we were off to Jerusalem!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM HERE! It's too good to be true. All my childhood till now I have been thinking about this first trip and it's finally here!
Next we stopped off at a few key sights, one being a panoramic view of the Holy City, our tour guide Ossi was wonderful at explaining the buildings in both rough form/religious context. She had so many good things to say, and I'm forgetting now, it's just every teacher and student here has something beautiful to say a lot of the time. That makes me more sure of the reasons I chose this trip.
At the end of our day we had the classic "Welcome to Israel" Dinner with tomato/cucumber salad, rice and humus. I CAN EAT THIS STUFF!!! After a bit of orientation we had a circle with Rabbi Katz ( meeting number 1 of many to come :) ). He also of course had some brilliant things to say that are faded with my exhaustion. I just hope they are still in my soul, little thoughts resting in the deepest parts where all the truth lies, waiting for me to need them to show themselves. That's the thing about this trip I've noticed in the first 24 hours is that you really have to take what people say to heart and if you do you will get more than you can imagine and be able to give more than you ever thought you could.
Now I am in my dorm room, sitting on a piece of foam and wood with my over sized twin American sheets attempting to dress this place like home. Little do the sheets know...they don't need to do that. I sleep alone tonight as Sara has yet to come. I have made some great friends already Rachel Hannah and Shelley! EVERY ONES NAME IS SOO JEWISH! Here everyone is like "Jimenez?", "What is that?" and I say "It's ME!" whatever that means...I am the third Rachel here, but the only RachAel..needless to say it gets confusing so I am gonna go by Rae. Now I will rest my 8hrs and wake up with NO JET LAG! I WILL NOT! if I say it like that then maybe it will be true.
To my swollen feet, propped up on a suitcase
the Israeli women mumbling in the ally ( did I say I am staying in a place with only women )
And my not so pillow not so bed
LILA TOV!
Our next plane left at 8:00pm so we could arrive at 2pm Israel time. I have by now chosen to forget the discomforts. The 80 (+) birthright folk, loud and crazy behind me impressing each other with college drinking stories. The smaller than any international flight should have seats. And the window seat, which is both a blessing and a curse because I barely got up the whole 10 hours which caused my feet to swell to a very plump size. With the help of my "sleeping aid" and some good old prayer , I got through it.
As I got of the plane I was met with Israels warm humid air finally! Customs was much easier to get through than you might think and finding the rest of the group was a breeze ( things are already getting better in Israel!). All 75 of us split on two buses and we were off to Jerusalem!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM HERE! It's too good to be true. All my childhood till now I have been thinking about this first trip and it's finally here!
Next we stopped off at a few key sights, one being a panoramic view of the Holy City, our tour guide Ossi was wonderful at explaining the buildings in both rough form/religious context. She had so many good things to say, and I'm forgetting now, it's just every teacher and student here has something beautiful to say a lot of the time. That makes me more sure of the reasons I chose this trip.
At the end of our day we had the classic "Welcome to Israel" Dinner with tomato/cucumber salad, rice and humus. I CAN EAT THIS STUFF!!! After a bit of orientation we had a circle with Rabbi Katz ( meeting number 1 of many to come :) ). He also of course had some brilliant things to say that are faded with my exhaustion. I just hope they are still in my soul, little thoughts resting in the deepest parts where all the truth lies, waiting for me to need them to show themselves. That's the thing about this trip I've noticed in the first 24 hours is that you really have to take what people say to heart and if you do you will get more than you can imagine and be able to give more than you ever thought you could.
Now I am in my dorm room, sitting on a piece of foam and wood with my over sized twin American sheets attempting to dress this place like home. Little do the sheets know...they don't need to do that. I sleep alone tonight as Sara has yet to come. I have made some great friends already Rachel Hannah and Shelley! EVERY ONES NAME IS SOO JEWISH! Here everyone is like "Jimenez?", "What is that?" and I say "It's ME!" whatever that means...I am the third Rachel here, but the only RachAel..needless to say it gets confusing so I am gonna go by Rae. Now I will rest my 8hrs and wake up with NO JET LAG! I WILL NOT! if I say it like that then maybe it will be true.
To my swollen feet, propped up on a suitcase
the Israeli women mumbling in the ally ( did I say I am staying in a place with only women )
And my not so pillow not so bed
LILA TOV!
Disclaimer 1 and more to follow...
Hi Everyone!
As most of you know I got back to Israel on the 12th of July and now it is the 27th of July...soo what took me so long to write? Well...the day I got back I was prepping to move to my wonderful new house in brea! So that took about a week. And then I didn't have internet at this house till yesterday...so I thought I would just wait and do it when it doesn't stress me out to do it. I mean I AM CHOOSING TO DO THIS! I should like it! So here it goes...Enjoy
As most of you know I got back to Israel on the 12th of July and now it is the 27th of July...soo what took me so long to write? Well...the day I got back I was prepping to move to my wonderful new house in brea! So that took about a week. And then I didn't have internet at this house till yesterday...so I thought I would just wait and do it when it doesn't stress me out to do it. I mean I AM CHOOSING TO DO THIS! I should like it! So here it goes...Enjoy
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Uh-Oh
It is 11:00 am, the day before...and I just got off the phone with Christina because I just found out that I don't have anyone to pick me up from the airport Monday. Of course Christina can pick me up. Its good to have people that There for you. Thanks Baz :). A perfect way to start this Uh-Oh blog...
Where am I now? In Palos Verdes at my kitchen table with Mad Men going in the background...I will have to rewind it however...its not the show you can just listen to. Anyways 13 hours from now I will be at the airport on my way to Israel for the first time...
I am known for procrastination but this is the ULTIMATE procrastination. I have still not packed...I just started my laundry...In short I don't think it has really hit me that I am LEAVING tomorrow. I thrive on knowing it's the last minute but this time it feel different. Its almost like I am avoiding it. Don't get me wrong I am soo blessed to go to Israel and I thank the Jewish Federation for paying for me! and I am seriously one of the luckiest people! I get to go to the Holy Land with my best friend and soon to be best friends! But something is making me wait to pack. I am scared.
I do think I am ruled by fear as I think a lot of people are. I have come to terms with the fact that I get through my days with the fear fire under my ass. I wake up in fear I will be late for something, I eat in fear of health, I do what I am suppose to do because I fear of disappointment . I sleep in fear I will be tired. Sound familiar? maybe, maybe not. But I am sure at some point in your life you can relate to my plight. FEAR! ( To friends and family, I do not want to scare you, DON'T WORRY I AM HAPPY! but I had to come to terms with my fear first)
My biggest fear now...
That I will be forever changed. I know that sounds stereotypical. But think about it...I go to this country for three weeks I am bound to have some kind of epiphany, right? I mean just going to New York for 10 Days last summer I came back with new perspectives.My friends joke that I have to come back! and that I am not aloud to stay, I know its a "joke" but some part of that is real. After this year there is no one telling me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. For the first time in awhile I am fully in charge of where I take it from here, and maybe I have been this whole time but now is the first time I am aware of it. SO! Who says I don't go to Israel and realize that I am suppose to be a Rabbi and I stop dancing and acting and all the plans I have had since I was five years old have been dropped. I know that's crazy but who's to say it won't happen???? I guess G-d.
In this land Abraham and all the people after him Believed and Trusted G-d. So will I.
It was this past winter break that I visited a JAM ( Jewish Awareness Movement) Shabbat on campus at UCSB where Rabbi Yaacov Shushan told the table "Don't Scare Yourself". A lot easier said then done. I took that through me this whole semester meaning to master it. However it took me 3 months to really understand what that even meant. After many tears of fear and frustration it means trust in G-d, trust in my fellow people, and trust in myself. If I have that much trust in the universe how can there be fear?
So for now I must trust that in time I will put the stuff in my suitcase, that the travel will be easy ( as easy as going to Israel can be...). And most importantly I will trust in myself not be scared of enlightenment.
I hope you will follow my blog, I do not promise good grammar or spelling or things. And it might take a while for me to write because I am not bringing my computer with me so I will rely on the Internet cafe's.
Also...do not call my cell phone.. it will cost me a lot of money....I will call you hahahaha :)
Here's to fulfilling a prophecy!!! LCHAIM!
I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them in their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land.- Ezekial 34:13
Shalom
Rachael
Where am I now? In Palos Verdes at my kitchen table with Mad Men going in the background...I will have to rewind it however...its not the show you can just listen to. Anyways 13 hours from now I will be at the airport on my way to Israel for the first time...
I am known for procrastination but this is the ULTIMATE procrastination. I have still not packed...I just started my laundry...In short I don't think it has really hit me that I am LEAVING tomorrow. I thrive on knowing it's the last minute but this time it feel different. Its almost like I am avoiding it. Don't get me wrong I am soo blessed to go to Israel and I thank the Jewish Federation for paying for me! and I am seriously one of the luckiest people! I get to go to the Holy Land with my best friend and soon to be best friends! But something is making me wait to pack. I am scared.
I do think I am ruled by fear as I think a lot of people are. I have come to terms with the fact that I get through my days with the fear fire under my ass. I wake up in fear I will be late for something, I eat in fear of health, I do what I am suppose to do because I fear of disappointment . I sleep in fear I will be tired. Sound familiar? maybe, maybe not. But I am sure at some point in your life you can relate to my plight. FEAR! ( To friends and family, I do not want to scare you, DON'T WORRY I AM HAPPY! but I had to come to terms with my fear first)
My biggest fear now...
That I will be forever changed. I know that sounds stereotypical. But think about it...I go to this country for three weeks I am bound to have some kind of epiphany, right? I mean just going to New York for 10 Days last summer I came back with new perspectives.My friends joke that I have to come back! and that I am not aloud to stay, I know its a "joke" but some part of that is real. After this year there is no one telling me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. For the first time in awhile I am fully in charge of where I take it from here, and maybe I have been this whole time but now is the first time I am aware of it. SO! Who says I don't go to Israel and realize that I am suppose to be a Rabbi and I stop dancing and acting and all the plans I have had since I was five years old have been dropped. I know that's crazy but who's to say it won't happen???? I guess G-d.
In this land Abraham and all the people after him Believed and Trusted G-d. So will I.
It was this past winter break that I visited a JAM ( Jewish Awareness Movement) Shabbat on campus at UCSB where Rabbi Yaacov Shushan told the table "Don't Scare Yourself". A lot easier said then done. I took that through me this whole semester meaning to master it. However it took me 3 months to really understand what that even meant. After many tears of fear and frustration it means trust in G-d, trust in my fellow people, and trust in myself. If I have that much trust in the universe how can there be fear?
So for now I must trust that in time I will put the stuff in my suitcase, that the travel will be easy ( as easy as going to Israel can be...). And most importantly I will trust in myself not be scared of enlightenment.
I hope you will follow my blog, I do not promise good grammar or spelling or things. And it might take a while for me to write because I am not bringing my computer with me so I will rely on the Internet cafe's.
Also...do not call my cell phone.. it will cost me a lot of money....I will call you hahahaha :)
Here's to fulfilling a prophecy!!! LCHAIM!
I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them in their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land.- Ezekial 34:13
Shalom
Rachael
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