HOW DID I GET HERE?
I always say that...but it's true, I kind of can't believe I have been here for a whole week. So by now I am over this jet lag but I am still exhausted. My feet will not stop swelling but so it is, and I mean I'm doing pretty okay after the past couple of vomiting incidents. SO...GO ME! Oh and every night as we are on the bus back I always turn to Sara and say, "tonight were just gonna pass out", as in no talking or things JUST SLEEP...of course that was before 10pm and now its almost 3 and everyone has just left our room after a good late night schmooze and some spiritual guidance and now I can write for yesterday and today!
It's true what Devon said today about feeling like she needed some time alone to really process whats being thrown at us here. I mean we are living in Israel...in Har Nof...at Neve...with All girls...being taught life lessons and Judaism. We are constantly searching for answers through our tutors and study groups not to mention the continuous conversations and connections made on the long bus rides and whatever "breaks" we have. I mean I made a joke that as much as this trip is like therapy for my soul. I am sure to be heading towards an identity crisis. I see how holy these women live their lives with their families and I think...why isn't that enough for me? What am I not willing to sacrifice to do that? I don't know...A lot of things and I really want to be okay with that.
Event wise, yesterday was a tour of the city of David which of course it blew my mind that I was standing in the spot where Solomon became King! A city and it's Ruins 3,800 Years old! Really I think it's too large for me to understand so I will leave it at that...We got to be in water tunnels that were straight out of Indiana Jones or something. Led by flashlight ( Or lack of one...I forgot) us girls trudged through ancient waterways of the city of David waist high in freezing water...okay it wasn't that cold...But you know what was really cool...or weird...I can't really decide which one... The tour of Japanese tourists in the tunnel began to sing in what I think was Hebrew in lovely harmonies. Now that's an interesting and surprising blessing! We girls were then inspired to sing our songs! "TO have no fear, have no fear at all" it was a beautiful and inspiring moment down there in the tunnels. THIS IS ISRAEL. After the tunnels we as a whole JAM trip gathered at a home for pizza, icebreakers and a moving "Seminar" from Rabbi Doniel Katz again. I am really starting to feel connected to these people now. We are all putting our guards down little by little :).
This seminar was all my fears in one hour long speech. I don't think I could explain how I really feel here...so I guess ask me about it later. All I can say is I understand why keeping Sabbath is important a little more now. And that being able to see each other, a chair, a ladder, and ourselves as modern art by it's definition can be really moving and restful. I started to feel like my desires to perform and go into this industry could be wasted time if my goal in life was really to be closer to Hashem. I have a lot to think about. As of now I see myself living in love and light with mitzvahs galore under my reform laws and style. It fits me today and I don't want to push. As much as I do that already. Not with this.
As the days go by and more wisdom is accumulated it may get easy to be overwhelmed and resistant, but as of now I have never felt more clear headed in Israel. I will keep asking questions, buying souvenirs and eating hummus...
I guess day 7 really does come with peace of mind. Thank You, Hashem, I know your on my side :)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Day 4: No Title.
I hope I am not boring you, these blogs are very long ( sorry Brock) But I hope you still read on because usually they have more than one day in them, like this one, since I couldn't write on Shabbat. Internet cafe's are not as frequent in Jerusalem as they are in Europe, plus our free/rest time is spent in Neve. So sorry for the blog overload. Let's see...where did I leave off...Oh yes it must be at 3am on Friday morning when we got up to see sunrise at Mesada. We just missed the sun actually rising but it was still beautiful to look at those few times I dared turn around as we ascended up the Roman Ramp. Now everyone has and is still trying to scare me about the Israeli sun and it's ridiculous heat. But Hashem has granted us Americans more comfort on our trip. I mean have you ever heard a Jew complain?, let alone an American Jew climbing Mesada...it's like the ultimate whine fest. Anyways after a too windy bus ride, I guess I still haven't learned that the third row doesn't count as the front of the bus...and I threw up...again. What little food I had within me was now not, and I began this famous climb. Now surprisingly it wasn't that hard. And it was basically as magnificent as everyone told me it would be and more. At the top we got a tour of the ruins and the story that gave this place some serious soul. We learned that Mesada was the perfect get away/hideout. It is so high up that no one would really bother to attack. So King Harod and other Jews began to live there, of course this pissed some Romans off as they wanted to conquer so they planned an attack. So here the Jews were, facing the question of fight or flight, once again, a question that would come up a couple more times in Jewish history. So I had to think if I knew hundreds of Roman soldiers were coming to rape and kill me and my family....would I fight? or turn myself in? I don't mean to sounds like a wuss...but really think about it. What would you do? well the people of Masada decided to die a "Nobel" death at their own hands. There were a few that "chickened" out, but thank G-d for that they did so they were able to tell the story. But seriously...what would you do? I would have to say I would turn myself into slavery. I would like to tell you a Nobel reason why. But really...plainly...I'm scared of death.
So I didn't believe Hannah when she said the snake path down was harder than up. But it was! it really was! I lost the group, so I went down alone which was actually kinda of nice, not so peaceful when neither of my feet were on the same level of ground at any given time...oy...vey. 45 minutes or so pass and I have done Mesada it's probably 7 or 8am when we do some breakfast and get on the bus back to Jerusalem for first Shabbos! This was actually the first time I didn't throw up! YES! okay can I say one thing? they do not stop feeding us here! I am in pain from so much good so don't be surprised if I come back and I have gained 20lbs.
So here came Shabbat 1 as the sun set and with it came Sara! Finally! Of course G-d made it so we could have Shabbat together, if not anything else this week! So we get ready in our most nice and religious garb. I can't wait till you see the pics! I am straight out of Fairfax, tights and all. Then we were off to Maalot Dafna and such for Shabbat with Families. I was paired with Morgan, a sweet girl from San Francisco, who I guess looks a lot like me... hahaha. And we ended up being the perfect pair for the weekend. We had host families that took us in to sleep. Mine being a young couple no older than 25 with a two year old Hadasa and one on the way...Sometimes I find myself counting the gaggle of children following the mothers up to 10, 12 or even 14! We also had dinner families. I shared my first dinner with Morgan and Sara and a few others it ws beautiful! The food was incredible from plumb crumble, to Quinoa, and salads. Not to mention Challah...Which I need to learn how to pace because if eat a shit load of Challah you won't be able to eat the next 3 courses let alone the next three meals! Dinner and conversations on Torah and JCrew went till 11:45pm which then we were suppose to go eat more food at the oneg! So we climbed 6 flights of stairs. ( there are a lot of stairs here.) Around now I am the most painfully full so when we get there we basically turn around and descend those same 6 flights and walk back to our Sleep Family. After getting a little lost we finally made it back and managed our way through the dark to our beds and went to sleep immediately.
One of the great things about Shabbat is that you get to sleep in! Well at least we got to sleep in! till like 11! which was very much needed at the end of this week. And by the time we got up it was time for second meal. We traveled a small distance to our 2nd meal family ( which is basically like brunch)...but you are still full from last night. The lunch was smaller in guests but not in the amount of food.AHHHH! I am sooo pufffy.
After that we enjoyed the park for a few hours and then headed off to our THIRD MEAL! With all of JAM. We enjoyed singing and dancing so basically it's like Thanksgiving every week. As we closed with Havdallah it was like instant stress again as we had our "free night" And everyone wanted to go out. But first we had to go back to our family where we got lost, to the bus were we got lost and missed...but another one came!! BLESS G-D! And we were on our way to Neve which was moody and dramatic ride for everyone. Against my will I decided to join everyone at Ben Yahuda knowing I should have done coffee bean but went to a bar and Hookah followed by a club. OYYY. They are so crowded and the floors where wet...with I don't know what...It was overall a little ridiculous if you know what I mean. So somehow we made curfew and everyone is safe...not so fast...so I wake up this morning thinking I'm hungover but really...throwing up everything you eat and more for hours does not sounds like hungover. So I have to go to an Israeli Hospital called Terem and wait for 2 hours puking by brains out only to have a nurse in a dirty "hospital" I mean this REALLY isn't America people. BLOOD ON THE FLOOR! Needles in open trashcans...everything is dusty or broken BIGGG OYYY!!! The nurse tried to put a needle in my arm even though I told her she would have to put it in my hands, she ignores me and of course we have to move to my hand and I get an IV and some meds and lay on a "bed" till my IV is overdone and I am bleeding out...and mostly...no one cares. It talks about four hours for me to go through all of this missing my programs for the rest of the day to learn... I have a virus...SO to Neve I go sad I am missing out but happy I have food staying down and sleep.
After everyone came back at 11 I feel like I should stay longer because they went to Rachel's Tomb...basically the one things I wanted to do here! I mean really! I heard from Sara it was magical. I guess this means I am coming back to Israel! G-d would have put me on that trip if I was suppose to be on that trip, so I will trust Him.
I pray tonight that I do not throw up anymore on this trip :)
So I didn't believe Hannah when she said the snake path down was harder than up. But it was! it really was! I lost the group, so I went down alone which was actually kinda of nice, not so peaceful when neither of my feet were on the same level of ground at any given time...oy...vey. 45 minutes or so pass and I have done Mesada it's probably 7 or 8am when we do some breakfast and get on the bus back to Jerusalem for first Shabbos! This was actually the first time I didn't throw up! YES! okay can I say one thing? they do not stop feeding us here! I am in pain from so much good so don't be surprised if I come back and I have gained 20lbs.
So here came Shabbat 1 as the sun set and with it came Sara! Finally! Of course G-d made it so we could have Shabbat together, if not anything else this week! So we get ready in our most nice and religious garb. I can't wait till you see the pics! I am straight out of Fairfax, tights and all. Then we were off to Maalot Dafna and such for Shabbat with Families. I was paired with Morgan, a sweet girl from San Francisco, who I guess looks a lot like me... hahaha. And we ended up being the perfect pair for the weekend. We had host families that took us in to sleep. Mine being a young couple no older than 25 with a two year old Hadasa and one on the way...Sometimes I find myself counting the gaggle of children following the mothers up to 10, 12 or even 14! We also had dinner families. I shared my first dinner with Morgan and Sara and a few others it ws beautiful! The food was incredible from plumb crumble, to Quinoa, and salads. Not to mention Challah...Which I need to learn how to pace because if eat a shit load of Challah you won't be able to eat the next 3 courses let alone the next three meals! Dinner and conversations on Torah and JCrew went till 11:45pm which then we were suppose to go eat more food at the oneg! So we climbed 6 flights of stairs. ( there are a lot of stairs here.) Around now I am the most painfully full so when we get there we basically turn around and descend those same 6 flights and walk back to our Sleep Family. After getting a little lost we finally made it back and managed our way through the dark to our beds and went to sleep immediately.
One of the great things about Shabbat is that you get to sleep in! Well at least we got to sleep in! till like 11! which was very much needed at the end of this week. And by the time we got up it was time for second meal. We traveled a small distance to our 2nd meal family ( which is basically like brunch)...but you are still full from last night. The lunch was smaller in guests but not in the amount of food.AHHHH! I am sooo pufffy.
After that we enjoyed the park for a few hours and then headed off to our THIRD MEAL! With all of JAM. We enjoyed singing and dancing so basically it's like Thanksgiving every week. As we closed with Havdallah it was like instant stress again as we had our "free night" And everyone wanted to go out. But first we had to go back to our family where we got lost, to the bus were we got lost and missed...but another one came!! BLESS G-D! And we were on our way to Neve which was moody and dramatic ride for everyone. Against my will I decided to join everyone at Ben Yahuda knowing I should have done coffee bean but went to a bar and Hookah followed by a club. OYYY. They are so crowded and the floors where wet...with I don't know what...It was overall a little ridiculous if you know what I mean. So somehow we made curfew and everyone is safe...not so fast...so I wake up this morning thinking I'm hungover but really...throwing up everything you eat and more for hours does not sounds like hungover. So I have to go to an Israeli Hospital called Terem and wait for 2 hours puking by brains out only to have a nurse in a dirty "hospital" I mean this REALLY isn't America people. BLOOD ON THE FLOOR! Needles in open trashcans...everything is dusty or broken BIGGG OYYY!!! The nurse tried to put a needle in my arm even though I told her she would have to put it in my hands, she ignores me and of course we have to move to my hand and I get an IV and some meds and lay on a "bed" till my IV is overdone and I am bleeding out...and mostly...no one cares. It talks about four hours for me to go through all of this missing my programs for the rest of the day to learn... I have a virus...SO to Neve I go sad I am missing out but happy I have food staying down and sleep.
After everyone came back at 11 I feel like I should stay longer because they went to Rachel's Tomb...basically the one things I wanted to do here! I mean really! I heard from Sara it was magical. I guess this means I am coming back to Israel! G-d would have put me on that trip if I was suppose to be on that trip, so I will trust Him.
I pray tonight that I do not throw up anymore on this trip :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Day 3, Oh me...
My fears came out a little today, oy very. Going strong so far, but today was hard. Getting a little homesick. Sara is still not here, it is a little upsetting. I want her here! It's not the same! I mean she is the reason that I even heard of JAM. I feel bad that she missed the Kotel and the waterfalls and now Mesada. We are here now, and so is she but I don't think she is in Neve...I don't know!!! We haven't had much contact in fact I've basically haven't had any contact with anyone even my parents...oh well. It is what it is...
Sooo today...it was harder doing day 2/3 or whatever day it is...more than day 1. I am physically exhausted. Constantly dehydrated no matter how much water I drink my pee is still yellow! AHHHH I don't think I've had protein... and overall 11 hours of sleep in 3 days does not do anyone good. ENOUGH COMPLAINING! :)
Class today was a little more dense...We talked about achieving world peace, and where war comes from according to Judaism. After a history lesson of sorts we came to learn that peace is achieved by focusing on something higher...sounds simple right? I guess not ( Think on that ). I am gonna write that from now on instead of writing a full essay, that I could defiantly write on these topics, and hopefully we can shmooze and coffee together when I get back and talk about it :).
I then met with Shira again, we added another student to our group, Sara O! YAY! We talked about struggles with things like bad mornings, but more interestingly heaven. We barely touched on it but I liked what I learned. I hope to relay the learning on to someone so ASK ME! this of course is according to Torah and other Jewish things but please don't let that turn you away. WE MEAN SHALOM ( Peace)...but don't we all? I don't know. The last thing we talked about today was....FEAR. OF COURSE. Particularly fear of death. I mean who doesn't fear death...well I guess there are some people who don't, and If I could really put my mind around that death is basically birth maybe I wouldn't either. I mean when you think about it when we are born, we are torn from a place of safety inside our mothers. All the life that we have known has taken place in that place. SO when we leave that place ( birth) it's kinda like death? does that make sense? okay because sometimes I am bad at explaining these things. In conclusion what I am saying is that...maybe our death is a birth into something new...I'd like to think so :).
THE FINAL lecture of the day dealt with learning some more wisdom. SHOCKING! What really stuck with me from this talk is that ALL TRUTH COMES FROM WITHIN, and that is basically the lesson of life. Okay now that we know that...lets just add one more little sliver of wisdom..." Learn how to die before you learn how to live!" I mean what does that mean!!??? YOU TELL ME!
I plan on dreaming on these two things at the beautiful Masada Hostel( It really is very nice) tonight and if you come up with something on those thoughts let me know! because I would love to talk about that too.
The journey to Masada was rough. Two hours from Jerusalem. I got to see the West Bank and Muslim quarters. I also didn't remember how bad I get motion sickness but I guess it's really bad. But I gotta say Harel the bus driver and the bus itself didn't help. Needless to say I became very sick and ended up throwing up in a trashcan on the bus 3x...oy...I was not good. But I was like NO BIGGIE...I'll jump off the bus in 98 degree Israeli weather and hike to a waterfall which was more pleasant than you think! I got pictures to prove it! The next trip was the dead sea, where I lost my shirt...Israel has to claim something from me. I hope that's it. I have been waiting my whole life to float ( literally) in the salty waters of the Dead Sea. And yes it stung...but a lot less for me than other people. But the pain is worth it...your skin and hair are nice and soft, I need a dead sea bath at home.
After a delicious traditional Israeli dinner...I think that's what it was, and good talks it was time to head to the Masada youth hostel, which is beautiful!!! Better then any hotel I stayed at in Europe! On the way there I got sick again...I am not having this throwing up! Tomorrow our hike starts at 5am so its after nine and I must sleep! Lila Tov.
To a day harder the the rest but fulfilling in the end...so Jewish.
Sooo today...it was harder doing day 2/3 or whatever day it is...more than day 1. I am physically exhausted. Constantly dehydrated no matter how much water I drink my pee is still yellow! AHHHH I don't think I've had protein... and overall 11 hours of sleep in 3 days does not do anyone good. ENOUGH COMPLAINING! :)
Class today was a little more dense...We talked about achieving world peace, and where war comes from according to Judaism. After a history lesson of sorts we came to learn that peace is achieved by focusing on something higher...sounds simple right? I guess not ( Think on that ). I am gonna write that from now on instead of writing a full essay, that I could defiantly write on these topics, and hopefully we can shmooze and coffee together when I get back and talk about it :).
I then met with Shira again, we added another student to our group, Sara O! YAY! We talked about struggles with things like bad mornings, but more interestingly heaven. We barely touched on it but I liked what I learned. I hope to relay the learning on to someone so ASK ME! this of course is according to Torah and other Jewish things but please don't let that turn you away. WE MEAN SHALOM ( Peace)...but don't we all? I don't know. The last thing we talked about today was....FEAR. OF COURSE. Particularly fear of death. I mean who doesn't fear death...well I guess there are some people who don't, and If I could really put my mind around that death is basically birth maybe I wouldn't either. I mean when you think about it when we are born, we are torn from a place of safety inside our mothers. All the life that we have known has taken place in that place. SO when we leave that place ( birth) it's kinda like death? does that make sense? okay because sometimes I am bad at explaining these things. In conclusion what I am saying is that...maybe our death is a birth into something new...I'd like to think so :).
THE FINAL lecture of the day dealt with learning some more wisdom. SHOCKING! What really stuck with me from this talk is that ALL TRUTH COMES FROM WITHIN, and that is basically the lesson of life. Okay now that we know that...lets just add one more little sliver of wisdom..." Learn how to die before you learn how to live!" I mean what does that mean!!??? YOU TELL ME!
I plan on dreaming on these two things at the beautiful Masada Hostel( It really is very nice) tonight and if you come up with something on those thoughts let me know! because I would love to talk about that too.
The journey to Masada was rough. Two hours from Jerusalem. I got to see the West Bank and Muslim quarters. I also didn't remember how bad I get motion sickness but I guess it's really bad. But I gotta say Harel the bus driver and the bus itself didn't help. Needless to say I became very sick and ended up throwing up in a trashcan on the bus 3x...oy...I was not good. But I was like NO BIGGIE...I'll jump off the bus in 98 degree Israeli weather and hike to a waterfall which was more pleasant than you think! I got pictures to prove it! The next trip was the dead sea, where I lost my shirt...Israel has to claim something from me. I hope that's it. I have been waiting my whole life to float ( literally) in the salty waters of the Dead Sea. And yes it stung...but a lot less for me than other people. But the pain is worth it...your skin and hair are nice and soft, I need a dead sea bath at home.
After a delicious traditional Israeli dinner...I think that's what it was, and good talks it was time to head to the Masada youth hostel, which is beautiful!!! Better then any hotel I stayed at in Europe! On the way there I got sick again...I am not having this throwing up! Tomorrow our hike starts at 5am so its after nine and I must sleep! Lila Tov.
To a day harder the the rest but fulfilling in the end...so Jewish.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It is what it is...
Jewish people say this a lot. I want to write a lot tonight. I just got a new roommate Casey, so I'm not alone anymore! Sara is coming tomorrow and I'm not gonna lie it's been hard her without her :(. Sometimes you have to have a partner here and I will always "find" someone but I rather just know she's there and that I'm not gonna be the odd one out, since it is still the beginning. Casey is from Palos Verdes, which is crazy because most people here don't even know where that is, which is kinda nice to not have that stereotype at first.
So today was easier then I thought. I got up at 7:30 ( I didn't sleep amazing but who does)...and had my first Israeli breakfast, which is American but faker and sweeter...I'm not fan of sweet things but " it is what it is." Next we had our first day of classes the first speaker spoke about women and prayer. I should tell you that I am in Jerusalem in Har Nof, in Neve Yerushalayim an all girls Seminary, which I basically see as college for your soul. There is a level of holiness and respect in your learning. It's just sincere, the whole experience.
So back to our first speaker on prayer and how to pray ect ect. I have been wondering about this a lot and if I'm even doing it right. I loved the way she put it. "Prayer is building a relationship with Hashem, circumstances, humanity...it's large!! and connects us all!" I also came to understand that prayers are WORDS not THOUGHTS, so even when we think something if we don't allow the diction experience when our thoughts turn into words the prayer is not as full as it could be. WORDS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BOND BETWEEN BODY AND SOUL. I learned that we should pray morning, noon and night which I remember at my days in Chabad but forgot quickly I guess...Prayer is not easy. So here is your step by step guide :) if there would be such a thing...
1. Praise! Praise G-d, he is the world and more. this gives purpose to everything and when there is purpose to everything relationships are important...you see where this is going??
2. Request! I always had trouble with this, I have been given so much and had it so easy I don't ever feel like I can request for more. But you can! Hashem listens to all prayers no matter how big or small...you may find it stupid to pray for your infected nose ring...when people are suffering the worst pain across the world, but Hashem will still listen :)
Boy do I need time, I mean the things I thought I knew...I really just have no idea. That's what my Memoir will be called....What I don't know... I mean you don't just get Judaism! You don't get to take some religious studies courses and be a theologian! it so much more and deep. I know I will need my whole life and more! But for now lets think on some of the things Mrs. Heller discussed to make this day one of mind blowing.
Step 3 to prayer:
3. Thanks! appreciation I believe comes from consciousness and knowing that all G-d has given us is a gift! and that we must give thanks for our body and soul and everything that it does! and everything we gain day to day. It's easy to live life dead. Thankfulness makes you alive.
Well I don't know about you guys but that basically blew my mind as I looked out the window on clear breezy sunny day with the most beautiful view of the Old City, it is really all overwhelming. And what do we do in between lectures? OF COURSE! "Coffee and Shmooze"...it's actually called that...
The next lecture is on LOVE...and no I haven't me the Jewish man of my dreams on this trip yet. We discussed the differences between infatuation and love. She used a beautiful example of a rose. You see a lovely rose and you just love it so much that you cut it off and take it to have. But if you loved it! You would water it and nurture it and keep it living. That is the difference between infatuation and love...get it? okay neither did I...but it takes time. Let's just say I have been in a whole lot of infatuation and not much love. we also talked about time bombs in relationships.
1. different religions
2. Overbearing mother
3. age gap ( more like a generation gap)
4. problematic exes
And I could go into it more but you get the point...But I say...How will I find a Jewish boy without an overbearing mother?
OY Vey...
We also met our individual teachers today to discuss any questions in small groups of two or three. My lead is Shira. She is wonderful, and a little sassy. From New York but now lives in Israel. We talked about Kabbalah, Torah...Are they the same? what's the rage? Ask me for answers when I get home if you care. I will have answers...or maybe I won't. As Rabbi Katz says its the questions that are more important. I mean if you don't ask the questions in the first place...where are you...
I am loving the food here, pita falafel, tahina, rice and more "Israeli salad" ( cucumber and tomato). I am catching on to some Hebrew and best of all I don't feel like that much of a tourist, in a way this is home.
Today we toured the Old City in Jerusalem. We visited the Kotel ( MY FIRST TIME) Now looking back on it I wish I knew how to put this experience in words or cohesive sentences but its a hard, so here is the list:
expectation was high
wanted to be moved
Scared I would be
the holiest place in the universe
my first time
what do I pray
how do I pray
and what will I write
Will G-d hear me here more than anywhere?
oh no...
make it good...
There I go scaring myself AGAIN! So I tried to make my prayer "good" and I don't want to say what I prayed for kinda like a birthday wish. But entering the kotel and praying and the wall seeing the women cry I was scared to touch it. I finally got the courage to put my prayer in and give thanks and of course I cried. But I don't know why. I think that's okay. I'd love to talk about this experience in person so ASK ME!
Next we went to dinner and I went with Shelley, Rachel and Hannah. The falafel man asked Shelley to make the falafel...only in israel...So she did and it was the best falafel I have ever had! Sorry Mom :) Then we took a tour of under the tunnels under the wall where I ran into Robert and AJ from CSUF! Hillel!!!...seriously Israel is small. Lastly we went to Ben Yahuda, almost the opposite of the Kotel, bars, clubs, girls who were...not so modest. I really was so exhausted I didn't feel like doing and thing but watch and sit....so I did.
Amen to today as it is 3am and I must be up soon. I can't believe it's Thursday
HOW DID I GET HERE!!!!??
So today was easier then I thought. I got up at 7:30 ( I didn't sleep amazing but who does)...and had my first Israeli breakfast, which is American but faker and sweeter...I'm not fan of sweet things but " it is what it is." Next we had our first day of classes the first speaker spoke about women and prayer. I should tell you that I am in Jerusalem in Har Nof, in Neve Yerushalayim an all girls Seminary, which I basically see as college for your soul. There is a level of holiness and respect in your learning. It's just sincere, the whole experience.
So back to our first speaker on prayer and how to pray ect ect. I have been wondering about this a lot and if I'm even doing it right. I loved the way she put it. "Prayer is building a relationship with Hashem, circumstances, humanity...it's large!! and connects us all!" I also came to understand that prayers are WORDS not THOUGHTS, so even when we think something if we don't allow the diction experience when our thoughts turn into words the prayer is not as full as it could be. WORDS ARE THE ABSOLUTE BOND BETWEEN BODY AND SOUL. I learned that we should pray morning, noon and night which I remember at my days in Chabad but forgot quickly I guess...Prayer is not easy. So here is your step by step guide :) if there would be such a thing...
1. Praise! Praise G-d, he is the world and more. this gives purpose to everything and when there is purpose to everything relationships are important...you see where this is going??
2. Request! I always had trouble with this, I have been given so much and had it so easy I don't ever feel like I can request for more. But you can! Hashem listens to all prayers no matter how big or small...you may find it stupid to pray for your infected nose ring...when people are suffering the worst pain across the world, but Hashem will still listen :)
Boy do I need time, I mean the things I thought I knew...I really just have no idea. That's what my Memoir will be called....What I don't know... I mean you don't just get Judaism! You don't get to take some religious studies courses and be a theologian! it so much more and deep. I know I will need my whole life and more! But for now lets think on some of the things Mrs. Heller discussed to make this day one of mind blowing.
Step 3 to prayer:
3. Thanks! appreciation I believe comes from consciousness and knowing that all G-d has given us is a gift! and that we must give thanks for our body and soul and everything that it does! and everything we gain day to day. It's easy to live life dead. Thankfulness makes you alive.
Well I don't know about you guys but that basically blew my mind as I looked out the window on clear breezy sunny day with the most beautiful view of the Old City, it is really all overwhelming. And what do we do in between lectures? OF COURSE! "Coffee and Shmooze"...it's actually called that...
The next lecture is on LOVE...and no I haven't me the Jewish man of my dreams on this trip yet. We discussed the differences between infatuation and love. She used a beautiful example of a rose. You see a lovely rose and you just love it so much that you cut it off and take it to have. But if you loved it! You would water it and nurture it and keep it living. That is the difference between infatuation and love...get it? okay neither did I...but it takes time. Let's just say I have been in a whole lot of infatuation and not much love. we also talked about time bombs in relationships.
1. different religions
2. Overbearing mother
3. age gap ( more like a generation gap)
4. problematic exes
And I could go into it more but you get the point...But I say...How will I find a Jewish boy without an overbearing mother?
OY Vey...
We also met our individual teachers today to discuss any questions in small groups of two or three. My lead is Shira. She is wonderful, and a little sassy. From New York but now lives in Israel. We talked about Kabbalah, Torah...Are they the same? what's the rage? Ask me for answers when I get home if you care. I will have answers...or maybe I won't. As Rabbi Katz says its the questions that are more important. I mean if you don't ask the questions in the first place...where are you...
I am loving the food here, pita falafel, tahina, rice and more "Israeli salad" ( cucumber and tomato). I am catching on to some Hebrew and best of all I don't feel like that much of a tourist, in a way this is home.
Today we toured the Old City in Jerusalem. We visited the Kotel ( MY FIRST TIME) Now looking back on it I wish I knew how to put this experience in words or cohesive sentences but its a hard, so here is the list:
expectation was high
wanted to be moved
Scared I would be
the holiest place in the universe
my first time
what do I pray
how do I pray
and what will I write
Will G-d hear me here more than anywhere?
oh no...
make it good...
There I go scaring myself AGAIN! So I tried to make my prayer "good" and I don't want to say what I prayed for kinda like a birthday wish. But entering the kotel and praying and the wall seeing the women cry I was scared to touch it. I finally got the courage to put my prayer in and give thanks and of course I cried. But I don't know why. I think that's okay. I'd love to talk about this experience in person so ASK ME!
Next we went to dinner and I went with Shelley, Rachel and Hannah. The falafel man asked Shelley to make the falafel...only in israel...So she did and it was the best falafel I have ever had! Sorry Mom :) Then we took a tour of under the tunnels under the wall where I ran into Robert and AJ from CSUF! Hillel!!!...seriously Israel is small. Lastly we went to Ben Yahuda, almost the opposite of the Kotel, bars, clubs, girls who were...not so modest. I really was so exhausted I didn't feel like doing and thing but watch and sit....so I did.
Amen to today as it is 3am and I must be up soon. I can't believe it's Thursday
HOW DID I GET HERE!!!!??
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
June 21st-22 ( Day 1 or Day 2...depending where you are in the world)
A pillow? not quite...a bed? not really...it's 11:45 on Tuesday, my first day in the land of Milk and Honey, and to be honest I am kinda killing myself to write tonight. I have never been more exhausted...and as a college (theatre) student...that's saying a lot. For most of you who don't know I got up at 3:30am yesterday even though it's like today, to get to the airport by 4:20 for my flight at 8am. I was surprised that such a small part of my group was on delta. We made our way just fine to JFK. So technically I was in NY for all of two hours! By the way I'm sick, like sick! at this point I can't hear very well or swallow my throat is so sore and the air pressure/dryness on the plane is not helping!
Our next plane left at 8:00pm so we could arrive at 2pm Israel time. I have by now chosen to forget the discomforts. The 80 (+) birthright folk, loud and crazy behind me impressing each other with college drinking stories. The smaller than any international flight should have seats. And the window seat, which is both a blessing and a curse because I barely got up the whole 10 hours which caused my feet to swell to a very plump size. With the help of my "sleeping aid" and some good old prayer , I got through it.
As I got of the plane I was met with Israels warm humid air finally! Customs was much easier to get through than you might think and finding the rest of the group was a breeze ( things are already getting better in Israel!). All 75 of us split on two buses and we were off to Jerusalem!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM HERE! It's too good to be true. All my childhood till now I have been thinking about this first trip and it's finally here!
Next we stopped off at a few key sights, one being a panoramic view of the Holy City, our tour guide Ossi was wonderful at explaining the buildings in both rough form/religious context. She had so many good things to say, and I'm forgetting now, it's just every teacher and student here has something beautiful to say a lot of the time. That makes me more sure of the reasons I chose this trip.
At the end of our day we had the classic "Welcome to Israel" Dinner with tomato/cucumber salad, rice and humus. I CAN EAT THIS STUFF!!! After a bit of orientation we had a circle with Rabbi Katz ( meeting number 1 of many to come :) ). He also of course had some brilliant things to say that are faded with my exhaustion. I just hope they are still in my soul, little thoughts resting in the deepest parts where all the truth lies, waiting for me to need them to show themselves. That's the thing about this trip I've noticed in the first 24 hours is that you really have to take what people say to heart and if you do you will get more than you can imagine and be able to give more than you ever thought you could.
Now I am in my dorm room, sitting on a piece of foam and wood with my over sized twin American sheets attempting to dress this place like home. Little do the sheets know...they don't need to do that. I sleep alone tonight as Sara has yet to come. I have made some great friends already Rachel Hannah and Shelley! EVERY ONES NAME IS SOO JEWISH! Here everyone is like "Jimenez?", "What is that?" and I say "It's ME!" whatever that means...I am the third Rachel here, but the only RachAel..needless to say it gets confusing so I am gonna go by Rae. Now I will rest my 8hrs and wake up with NO JET LAG! I WILL NOT! if I say it like that then maybe it will be true.
To my swollen feet, propped up on a suitcase
the Israeli women mumbling in the ally ( did I say I am staying in a place with only women )
And my not so pillow not so bed
LILA TOV!
Our next plane left at 8:00pm so we could arrive at 2pm Israel time. I have by now chosen to forget the discomforts. The 80 (+) birthright folk, loud and crazy behind me impressing each other with college drinking stories. The smaller than any international flight should have seats. And the window seat, which is both a blessing and a curse because I barely got up the whole 10 hours which caused my feet to swell to a very plump size. With the help of my "sleeping aid" and some good old prayer , I got through it.
As I got of the plane I was met with Israels warm humid air finally! Customs was much easier to get through than you might think and finding the rest of the group was a breeze ( things are already getting better in Israel!). All 75 of us split on two buses and we were off to Jerusalem!!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE I AM HERE! It's too good to be true. All my childhood till now I have been thinking about this first trip and it's finally here!
Next we stopped off at a few key sights, one being a panoramic view of the Holy City, our tour guide Ossi was wonderful at explaining the buildings in both rough form/religious context. She had so many good things to say, and I'm forgetting now, it's just every teacher and student here has something beautiful to say a lot of the time. That makes me more sure of the reasons I chose this trip.
At the end of our day we had the classic "Welcome to Israel" Dinner with tomato/cucumber salad, rice and humus. I CAN EAT THIS STUFF!!! After a bit of orientation we had a circle with Rabbi Katz ( meeting number 1 of many to come :) ). He also of course had some brilliant things to say that are faded with my exhaustion. I just hope they are still in my soul, little thoughts resting in the deepest parts where all the truth lies, waiting for me to need them to show themselves. That's the thing about this trip I've noticed in the first 24 hours is that you really have to take what people say to heart and if you do you will get more than you can imagine and be able to give more than you ever thought you could.
Now I am in my dorm room, sitting on a piece of foam and wood with my over sized twin American sheets attempting to dress this place like home. Little do the sheets know...they don't need to do that. I sleep alone tonight as Sara has yet to come. I have made some great friends already Rachel Hannah and Shelley! EVERY ONES NAME IS SOO JEWISH! Here everyone is like "Jimenez?", "What is that?" and I say "It's ME!" whatever that means...I am the third Rachel here, but the only RachAel..needless to say it gets confusing so I am gonna go by Rae. Now I will rest my 8hrs and wake up with NO JET LAG! I WILL NOT! if I say it like that then maybe it will be true.
To my swollen feet, propped up on a suitcase
the Israeli women mumbling in the ally ( did I say I am staying in a place with only women )
And my not so pillow not so bed
LILA TOV!
Disclaimer 1 and more to follow...
Hi Everyone!
As most of you know I got back to Israel on the 12th of July and now it is the 27th of July...soo what took me so long to write? Well...the day I got back I was prepping to move to my wonderful new house in brea! So that took about a week. And then I didn't have internet at this house till yesterday...so I thought I would just wait and do it when it doesn't stress me out to do it. I mean I AM CHOOSING TO DO THIS! I should like it! So here it goes...Enjoy
As most of you know I got back to Israel on the 12th of July and now it is the 27th of July...soo what took me so long to write? Well...the day I got back I was prepping to move to my wonderful new house in brea! So that took about a week. And then I didn't have internet at this house till yesterday...so I thought I would just wait and do it when it doesn't stress me out to do it. I mean I AM CHOOSING TO DO THIS! I should like it! So here it goes...Enjoy
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